Shaping Identity between Cultures: A Documentary Concert

On the 1st and 2nd of december 2018 there was an exciting Documentary Concert called Wings & Roots it took place at De Balie in Amsterdam. In this documentary-concert Andrea Voets and the musicians explored the hidden implications of existing-between-worlds on life and identity.

On Saturday the 15th of June 2019 at 9pm a film of the concert will be shown in Leiden at the Vrijplaats.

Andrea Voets is a harpist and a musical journalist. She has brought together a group of third culture musicians. The four musicians carry 12 countries within them. They are guided by the transcultural psychiatrist Glenn Helberg. The questions they hope to answer is:

"How can you find a sense of self when you always relate but never belong?"

"How can you piece it all together?"

After both concerts there will be room for discussion.

In 2016 Andrea Voets made the documentary-concert Xenitia on migration. It contained the testimonies of 18 Greek migrants. The show went on tour in Europe.

I have been wondering about the above questions. They are one of the reasons this blog exists. Personally I had never heard of musical journalism but I am open to discover more about it. I read that musical journalism is a voice beyond words, that sounds very interesting!

Related topics:

- What do you say to your third culture kids?
- Interview with Jessica Wen on her third culture kid identity books
- Neither here nor there - where do I belong?
- Cultural Identity Confusion and Third Culture Kids

What do you say to your Third Culture Kids?

A while ago I read a piece written by Rachel Pieh Jones and I just knew that I wanted to share it with you. Rachel lives in Djibouti and has raised her children there. I really like the very honest article she wrote: 15 things I want to tell my third culture kids. At the time her children were about to leave to boarding school, they have now left to university.

The quotes that struck me were "I cry for the choices we've made. And then I defend them with passion". 

The other quote that impressed me was: "I am sorry for the things life has taken from you. The names of all the friends you have said good-bye to are branded in my mind". 

Rachel realizes that she knows what it is like to parent TCKs but she has no idea what it is like to grow up abroad. As you probably know, I grew up abroad and I love the way Rachel tries to understand what it is like for her children and for other kids. A few years ago she hosted a whole guest post series on her blog on third culture kids. She has now made a compilation of these essays, updated the information, added interviews and practical tips and has made it into an ebook.Finding Home. I was privileged to contribute to the series too. I wrote on transitioning globally to university. Many different authors contributed to the ebook: Ruth van Reken, Marilyn Gardner, Mary Bassey, Ma Donna Maurer, Clara Wiggins and Ute Limacher just to name a few.

One of the 5 star reviews said:
"This collection of essays was both relatable and eye opening. As a third culture kid, there was a lot for me to learn and think about after reading each essay. Highly recommended if you want to better understand people who don’t belong in one culture, or if you don’t!"

I would really like to hear what you could say to your third culture kids. One of the things my parents said was that we should dare to be different. Well growing up in Africa I was different, with my blue eyes and blond hair. I actually found it difficult when I was the same as all the other children. I was twelve years old and as a family we spent a couple of months in The Netherlands. I went to form one, but it was a shock to discover that there were three other girls in my class with the same name as I have. I was used to "Janneke" being a really special name, often people had difficulty pronouncing my name. But in the Netherlands "Janneke" is a very common name, especially at that time. There is even a book named Jip and Janneke, Two Kids From Holland. So at the time I had to adjust to the fact that my name was not special at all and even though I looked like the other Dutch girls I was actually different due to growing up in Africa.

What do you say to your third culture kids? 

Related posts:

• My 10 Tips to Prepare your child for an International Move
• 5 Things you Need to Know When Moving Kids Abroad by Lois Bushing
• Grandparenting over the Seas by Libby Stephens

PS. Have you heard that the next Families in Global Transition Conference in 2019 will take place in Thailand? From April 26 - 28.

Happy New Year and there is still time to register for early bird rate for Families in Global Transition Conference 2018

I want to wish you all a happy new year! I have some dreams that I hope will come true in 2018 and I hope you have dreams too for this year. Today is Epiphany, Three Kings' Day. I was in Gent, Belgium this week and discovered Three Kings' cake in a bakery. I had never seen it before. Apparently there are quite a few countries where they have the tradition of Three Kings' Cake. In French it is called galette des rois. If you want to know more, then here are 5 facts about Kings' Cake. I really like discovering new things! See the image for the cake I discovered.

This year the Families in Global Transition Conference will take place in the Hague, the Netherlands again from 8-10 March 2018. It is still possible to register for the early bird rate, you have until the 15th of January 2018! The theme of the conference is: Diverse Voices, celebrating the past, present, and future of globally mobile lives. An adult third culture kid recently asked me if the conference was suitable for adult third culture kids living in their passport cultures, well I would say it is. What I noticed is that everyone at the conference has a unique story, just like I have and you have, and there is room for each story to be told. There are many expats, third culture kids, organizations involved with expats and their children at the conference. At this moment in time there are registrations from more than 31 countries, so it is a truly international conference. If you live in the Netherlands then it is your chance to join the conference. The venue of the next conference will probably be is Asia. Will we see you at the conference?

No idea what to expect? Lucille, an expat mum and storyteller shares her experience of attending the FIGT conference in 2017.

Amy Clare Tasker shares her experiences of giving a workshop at FIGT 2017. The funny thing is that those are my words "Home is where the radishes grow" and I am the blond person on the floor depicting "Home is where the radishes grow".

More news:
New edition of Third Culture Kids Growing up Among Worlds available (Third Edition 2017)

By the way have you ever eaten a Three Kings' cake? Is it a tradition you celebrate? Can you tell us more about the tradition?

Where are the male expat or third culture kid voices?

Recently I heard that the Families in Global Transition conference in 2018 will be held in the Netherlands again. This is good news because if it is so near to home there is more chance that I will be able to attend. At the 2017 conference we heard that the next conference would be in Asia, which meant attending would be more of a challenge for me. The FIGT conference will be held in the Hague, the Netherlands from the 8th to the 10th of March 2018, mark your calenders and maybe we can meet up there. It will be the 20th anniversary next year so it promises to be a great conference. The theme of the conference is Diverse voices celebrating the past, present, and future of globally mobile lives. If you want to submit a proposal it is due before 15th september 2017. First time conference attendees can apply for a Pollock Scholarship, check this link for more information.

On the FIGT website I saw this: The guiding question when considering the applications is, "Who is missing at the FIGT table?"  They are looking for a diverse field of applicants from each of our traditional sectors, (including corporate, diplomatic, academic, military, mission, arts and entrepreneurial) plus voices not well represented, such as those involved in immigration and refugee work, an increase in male voices, and participants from all parts of the globe.

I noticed that the FIGT organizers want an increase voices not well represented including an increase in male voices. While searching the internet this week I noticed two stories both by (adult) third culture kid males so I do want to share these stories. The first story is by Chris Aslan. Chris was born in Turkey, lived in Lebanon and returned to the UK for schooling. He later lived in Uzbekistan, Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan. His whole story "Both and Neither: Exploring my Third Culture Kid Identity" can be read here. He writes about feeling in between cultures and not really belonging to either. I like his conclusion. 

"There have been times when I’ve felt a stranger in both cultures, but gradually I’ve learnt to feel at home in both. I’ve discovered that I’m a pretty good bridge that others can use to walk along to have their horizons broadened and to meet people they might not otherwise have met. I’m letting my character and values to be shaped by the best of both cultures. It’s not always as comfortable as being one thing or another, but embracing the concept of ‘both’ is really good, and that’s better than being comfortable."

Marilyn Gardner writes the same in her Thoughts on Entry, Reentry and Third Culture Kids. She says that as third culture kids we should accept that we are a combination of worlds. 

Joshua tells us his own story. He now lives in Suriname but he grew up in many different countries: Egypt, Singapore, and China. He tells about the culture shock he had when he moved to China. He shares what he learnt by growing up abroad. Please listen to his story,  it will take you less than 6 minutes.

Thank you Chris and Joshua for sharing your stories. Will you consider joining us at the Families in Global Transition Conference this March here in the Netherlands? We want to hear more male third culture kid stories. Please let us hear your voices. Come and join us. Do you know male third culture kids or are you one? Let's hear your voice.

Related Posts:

• Cultural identity Confusion
• Interview with Rachel Cason on her research on third culture kids: identity, belonging and relationship to place.
• Interesting post TCK Talent: Where am I from? on the website DisplacedNation.com
• Chris Aslan's website, he is an author and adult third culture kid
• Podcast with Michelle Phoenix on Third Culture Kids - The Forgotten Missionary Kids, and about her new book "Stillness and Storm"

Families in Global Transition Conference starting 23rd March 2017 in Den Haag

The Families in Global Transition Conference is starting tomorrow in Den Haag, the Netherlands. For years the conference took place in America. This is the second year in a row that the conference will be in the Netherlands. What a priviledge that the conference is close to home for me.

Conference Theme is: Building on the Basics: Creating Your Tribe on the Move.

I will be giving an Ignite presentation on Friday afternoon, you can see the other presenters and their topics here. An Ignite presentation is a short presentation of 6 minutes and 40 seconds. You have 20 slides and 20 seconds per slide, the slides are forwarded automatically. I have never given an Ignite presentation before. I have been told that you need to practice a presentation like this many times so that's what I am doing at the moment. I hope the saying is true that "practice makes perfect".

Here's the list of the topics of the Ignite presentations:

• Exploring the ‘Why’, the ‘How’ and the ‘Who’ of Muslim Expatriates

• The Power of Team Sport to Create a Diverse Tribe       

• How a TCK English Teacher in a Hungarian Village Created a Globally Local Network 

• Childhood Losses, TCKs, and Identity Development  

• Finding Joy and Abundance as an Expat - Planning For Your Fulfilled Life Abroad

• Finding Your Voice, Your Tribe and Hearing Other Voices Through Blogging

I will be speaking about how I found my voice through this blog and how I heard your voices.
If you are not coming to the conference but you are interested in what is going on at the conference you can follow the hashtag #FIGT17NL 

Want to know how to give an Ignite presentation? Emma McCathy gives advice here.
Her Ignite talk last year at the FIGT conference was on Building a Global Village.


I am a little nervous for my first Ignite presentation ever, but I am also looking forward to what the conference will bring us this year. I would love to know what the Families in Global transition Conference means to you. What does the conference mean to you?

Update April 2017: Terry Ann Wilson wrote a lovely post all about the Ignite presentations.

Related posts:

• Best read post: Interview with Graphic Design student Jessica Wen
• Cultural Identity Confusion and Third Culture Kids
• 10 Tips to Help Prepare your child for an international move
• Q & A with Tanya Crossman author of the book Misunderstood

Book Review: B at Home, Emma Moves Again by Valérie Besanceney

To start with I would like to wish you all happy new year. I hope it will be a year that you and your children will thrive and be resilient. I hope to write more about resilience in another post. In case you are moving with children this year than the book B at Home, Emma Moves Again might be just the book you need.

Emma is 10 years old and has already moved twice. At the start of the book she lives in the Netherlands. In the book her parents tell her that the family is moving again. She has mixed emotions and turns to B, her faithful teddy bear. Together they make the move.
Children can identify with the girl in the story. It can help them to feel that they are not alone, that there are other children who have gone through the same things. It can help children give words to the emotions they are feeling.

There are discussion questions at the end of the book. Parents could use the questions to chat with their children about the upcoming move. An example of a question is: Emma and her friends talk about how certain smells bring back memories. What are some smells that bring back strong memories for you?

The author Valérie Besanceney was born in the Netherlands, grew up as a third culture kid, making several international moves as a child, she is an experienced international school teacher and is raising two TCK daughters. She definitely knows what she is talking about. In addition to the book B at Home Besanceney has created a workbook My Moving Booklet. This is a great tool for parents and schools to ease a transition for a child. The children can share their emotions and there is also lots of room for creativity.

I had the privilege of meeting Valérie at the Families in Global transition Conference in Amsterdam in 2016.

Have you or one of your children read the book B at Home, Emma Moves Again? Are there other books that you would recommend for kids making international moves? Please share them with us.

Related Posts:

• Book: Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child
• Book review of Expat Teens Talk
• Q and A with Tanya Crossman author of the book "Misunderstood"
• Interview with Heidi Sand-Hart author of the book Home Keeps Moving
• 10 Tips to help your child prepare for an international move

Q & A with Tanya Crossman author of the book "Misunderstood" The Impact of Growing Up Overseas in the 21st Century

As you probably know I love books and especially on the topic of growing up abroad. I am pleased to announce that a new book on the topic is about to be released and the author Tanya Crossman has agreed to answer some questions specially for you. Thank you Tanya! By the way if you want to know what children or young people say about growing up abroad then you have to read this book. Now over to Tanya.

1. Please tell us about your book “Misunderstood”. Tell us about how you were inspired to write the book?                                                                                                                                   I spent a decade mentoring TCKs (third culture kids), listening to them and learning how they
   
   felt about life. Parents began to ask my advice, and I saw lightbulb moments as they saw their children's situation in a new light. When asked for resources I pointed to lots of great books, but couldn't find anything that did what I did – stand in the gap, and explain the TCK perspective. That is what Misunderstood does: explain how international life affects a child, often in their own words (I interviewed nearly 300 TCKs for the book, plus conducted a survey of 750 TCKs). Misunderstood shows TCKs they are not alone, and helps those who care about them provide more support and understanding.
2. What is the most important message you have for parents of TCKs? What would you like to say to every TCK?
   Being a TCK isn't a bad thing!! Over 80% of the TCKs I surveyed for Misunderstood were glad for their experience, and only 2% would take it back if they could. But TCKs do have a different experience of the world to their parents, and understanding that experience is essential for supporting TCKs well. 
3. Many people want to write a book someday, but you did it! What was the key to success?
   The key to my success has been other people! Wise people I listened to, leading me in directions I would not have gone alone. A mentor read my first attempt and told me I could do much better – that I needed to put my passion in it. A close friend approached me about having my book published professionally, and did the work to make that happen. Then the team at Summertime Publishing helped make Misunderstood better.  
4. What's your advice for other TCKs or anyone wanting to write a book?
   Know why you want to write – what do you care about, and why does it matter? What gap exists that you want to fill? Find anything similar out there, read it well and work out if you have something new and different to say. Secondly, benefit from the experience of others. Cultivate relationships with people who challenge you with wise advice – then listen to them, even when it's hard. 
5. In which countries did you live as a child and what age were you at the time?
   I grew up in my passport country (Australia) but also lived in the US from age 13-15, with my parents and my two younger sisters. As an adult I lived in China for over ten years and also spent a lot of time in Cambodia.
6. What was the reason that you were living abroad? If it was work, what kind of work did your parents do?
   My father worked for a multinational technology company. When he was assigned to work in the US for two years, our whole family went along. We lived immersed in the local life (local schools, etc.) but we all found a cross-cultural friend or two. 
7. What did you most like about living abroad as a young person?
   I enjoyed engaging with a new physical environment. The houses, food, trees, birds, animals, and seasons were all different. I hoarded new sensory experiences – the crunch under my feet walking across our frozen yard in winter, the soft twilight in summer, the bouncing tails of squirrels – and filled myself up with them. 
8. What was most difficult?
   Learning new cultural norms (especially when people didn't think of me as coming from a different culture) was really hard. Simply existing outside my house was tiring! I didn't have words to express the difficulties I experienced, so I had an unhelpful tendency to blame my frustrations on the entire country. It took me years to unravel my feelings. Now I'm very thankful for my time in the US, even though it was hard.
9. How did living abroad influence your choice of career or study?
   I think it showed me there's a whole world of opportunity out there, and not to limit myself to what is “normal” in Australia. 
10. Which languages do you speak? Do you have advice on learning languages for families living abroad  now?
    English is my native language, and I am fluent in Mandarin Chinese. I've forgotten most of the other 10 languages I've studied, but I have basic survival skills in Khmer, Thai, and Indonesian. My biggest piece of advice is to embrace your ignorance – give it a go knowing it won't be perfect, and be humble about your lack of perfection. Another thing that helped me was watching and listening to native speakers doing life – by copying them I picked up the language as it's actually used, rather than stiffly repeating what I'd read in textbooks.
11. When and where did you first hear of the term “Third Culture Kid” (TCK)? How did you hear of it and in which way did it help you?
    When I first started working with TCKs I didn't know that there was such a thing as a TCK! I quickly realised there was something different about these kids due to their unique situations, but it was still two or three years before I started reading literature on the topic. David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken's classic “Growing up among worlds” was eye-opening. What really struck me was the section on repatriation – I kept thinking “that's me!” For the first time I realised my time in the US was a TCK experience. It helped me understand why it had been so hard to “go home”. 
12. How was it to return to your “home country” (passport country)?
    HARD. Both times. When I left the US at age 15 I was excited to “go home and be normal”. I was stunned to discover that although in the US I stood out as Australian, to Australians I sounded American. It was quite a letdown. It took less than a year to re-acclimatise but it was still a significant experience. When I moved to Australia 18 months ago after 11 years in Asia as an adult, I was more prepared for what repatriation might be like, and blogging about the process was really helpful for me. The funny thing is that this time I found it comforting when people thought my accent didn't quite sound Australian! 
13. With which countries do you feel a bond? Where's home?
    Ah, always a tricky question! I am definitely Australian – it 's an important part of my identity – but Australia doesn't really feel like “home” anymore. Beijing feels like home – but I have no family there and no legal right to be there, so I don't feel like I'm “allowed” to call it home. I guess neither one is completely home – so the Third Culture is very important to me! 
    

Thank you once again Tanya for answering these questions but in the first place for writing the book. You can visit Tanya's website for more information. Tanya is on twitter @TanyaTCK and on Facebook at MisunderstoodTCK. You can preorder the book Misunderstood on Amazon, for more preorder options click here. We will be doing a giveaway of the book soon, so come back and check the blog for more information. What questions would you like to ask Tanya?

Related posts:

• 10 Tips to Prepare you child for an international move
• Q&A with Author Heidi Sand-Hart of the book Home Keeps Moving
• Guestblog by Libby Stephens on grandparenting Abroad

10 tips to help you prepare your child for an international move

Recently I read a post on Facebook. A mother was asking advice on how to prepare her daughter for a n upcoming move from England to the Netherlands. Her daughter is 5 years old and she had said to her mum "Please mum I don't want to leave my home and my school". I am sure her child is not the only one that does not want to move.

The question made me think. What would my advice be? As a child I moved many times in Africa, I

photo by Kelly Morguefiles

wonder how my parents prepared us, there were four of us, I have two brothers and a sister. These days there are so many more resources, we have books, the internet, social media to seek advice. I do think this is a great question because I firmly believe parents can help and prepare their children for an international move.

My 10 tips would be:

1. Acknowledge your child's emotions. Give her permission to feel sad about the move and about saying goodbye. Give her permission to identify and express her emotions. You can help her by saying "I see that you are sad about leaving your friends". If you want to read more on this topic the Centre on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning have practical suggestions here in this download Teaching Your Child To: Identify and Express Emotions.
2. Watch the Disney movie "Inside Out" together. The girl named Riley makes a move too and finds it tough. Watch it together and take time to talk about it. The movie is all about emotions.
3. Make the move an adventure. When the moving boxes arrive let her paint one or decorate it by using stickers, glue, paint, and pretty pictures. She can even decorate the box with a friend (you then include her friends in the process, so they can get used to the idea that she will move).
4. As part of the adventure search for information about the city and country you will move to. Show photos or a youtube film. If possible make a preliminary visit to the new country. Be careful not to raise the expectations too high.
5. Let her help pack the boxes. Let her help you sort out which toys she will take along. Let her put her most important toys in the decorated moving box. By letting her make choices you give her some control in a time that many things are "out of her control". You are giving her some influence in this situation.
6. Maintain stability. In the crazy time before, during and after the move try to stick to family routines. For a child this means that even though many things are changing there are still constants in her life and that can give a child stability and a sense of security.
7. Make a countdown calendar together to help vizualize how many nights until the move. Suggestions for a creative and fun countdown calendar can be found here. The concept of time, and knowing when the move will take place can be difficult for children. A countdown calendar can help your child understand how many "sleeps" until the move.
8. Help your child say her good-byes. David Pollock and Ruth van Reken talk about it in their book "Third Culture Kids, Growing up Among Worlds". They mention the need for saying good-bye to people, places, pets and possessions. Plan a farewell party for her friends, make the invitations together. Visit special places as a family. Ask her what she would like to do one last last time. Eat and ice cream in the favourite ice cream parlour or swim in a certain swimming pool. Make photos of these last visits. If there is a pet will the pet come along or will someone care for the pet? Maybe possessions will be let behind. Help her accept that some possessions will remain behind, maybe you will give some things to other people, involve your daughter in the process. You could give her a small treasure box in which she can put special treasures, it could be a small stone from you garden or something else special.
9. Consider buying her a copy of the book My Moving Booklet by Valerie Besanceney. The booklet has been designed to help children through the initial stages of an upcoming move.
10. Make a small photo album specially for her with photos of the friends she will leave behind, of the farewell party, of the special places, of house you lived in and lots more. This photo book can be a tool she can use to show and tell others where she used to live.

If you don't have enough time to make a calendar, make invitations for a farewell party, make the photo album then get other people involved in your move. Your friends probably want to help you, try to delegate something. Ask another mum to help you, she will probably feel privileged!\

There are many more things parents do to help their kids, I would love to hear your suggestions. Please share them here. Thank you so much.

Related Posts:

• Providing children with tools to tell their story
• The book: Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child by Julia Simens
• My 10 advantages of growing up overseas
• Grandparenting over the seas by Libby Stephens

Preparing for the Families in Global Transition Conference 2016

At the moment I am preparing for the FIGT conference which will take place in March. It's the first time ever that this conference will take place in the Netherlands. It's the first time it will take place in Europe. It's the first time I will attend the conference and it's the first time I will be presenting at the conference. Very exciting! By the way the conference schedule is available and the presenter biographies. As you can see there are more than 50 presenters, I expect that they will represent all the corners of the world.

While preparing for my session I was searching the internet for new information on third culture kids. I found a nice short video made by teenager Alison. She's a third culture kid herself, she explains what it means, has done some research and she gives advice. It's worth watching.

She conducted a survey and it revealed that the TCKs find leaving friends and changing school the most difficult. It took them a couple a months to adjust to the new surrounding. She encourages TCKs to meet new people and learn the new language. Her last advice is: Stay open-minded and resilient and moving can enhance your life.

By the way I hope you are attending the Families in Global Transition Conference in Amsterdam too. Please let me know if you're coming so we can meet up. 

Related posts: 
My 10 advantages of growing up abroad
Interview with graphic design student Jessica Wen on her third culture kid book project
Interesting interview with researcher and adult third culture kid Rachel Cason 

Families in Global Transition Conference 2016 will take place for the first time ever in Holland!

Maybe you have heard the good news: the Families in Global Transition (FIGT) Conference will take place in the Netherlands next year. The conference is from the 10th of March to the 12th of March 2016 in Amsterdam. For the past 2 years I have been wanting to attend this conference but the conference was in Washington, USA. I had to take days off from work, fly to America and I just was not able to arrange it. I am so excited that the conference has moved to Europe, and even better it has moved to the Netherlands, Amsterdam to be exact. Now I can take the train and attend! If you want to attend the conference and save money make sure you register before 4th January 2016.

By the way the theme of the conference is "Moving Across Cultures: Bringing Empathy and Expertise to the Evolving Global Family". I like the word empathy.

What does empathy do according to the Greater Good Science Center? Empathy:

• reduces prejudice and racism

• reduces bullying

• promotes heroic acts

• fights inequality

• is good for healthcare

• cuts against self-interest, people with empathy are more likely to help people in need

Wow that sounds very promising! Then add all the expertise in too and it is a recipe for success.I have heard that the author of the book "Global Mom" Melissa Dalton-Bradford will be one of the keynote speakers. She is a mother of 4, a writer of books, essays, poetry and a blog. As a family they have lived in 10 countries. She has also written the book "On loss & Living Onward", I think I have to read one of her books before the conference. You can see the trailer of the book "Global Mom" here.

The conference will take place at De Bazel Cafe & Conference Centre, Vijzelstraat 32 in

Beautiful Holland photo by DrieCulturen

Amsterdam.

Good things seem to happen at FIGT conferences. Killian Kröll, the current chair of the FIGT board grew up as a third culture kid (TCK). He was unaware of the impact of his upbringing. During a seminar he first heard the term TCK. That moment changed his life and he found his tribe. 2011 was the first FIGT conference he attended and then he was really sure that he had found his tribe. Read more of Killian's story and the FIGT conference 2015 as written by Lauren Owen.

Just in case you have not heard of Families in Global Transitions, you can visit the FIGT website for more information. The first FIGT conference was held in 1998 and Ruth van Reken the coauthor of the book "Third Culture Kids Growing up Among Worlds" was one of the initiators.

Related posts:

• Interview with Doug Ota Keynote speaker FIGT15 (Figt blog) 
• Interview with Rachel Cason, researcher and adult TCK 
• Providing children with tools to tell their stories 
• Leaving the African "nest" my guestblog on Madonna's blog Raising TCKs

Ruth van Reken speaks on the Impact of Growing up in a Globalized World

Two years ago I had the privilege of meeting and hearing Ruth van Reken speak at the Euro TCK conference in Germany. Ruth van Reken is co-author of the book Third Culture Kids Growing up Among Worlds. You should hear her too.

In this short video Ruth explains what third culture kids are and what cross-cultural kids are, she shares her personal story. She encourages parents who are raising kids cross-culturally to make sure that they know how to prepare their children for their transitions. It's so important to say goodbye appropriately. This TedxINSEAD talk was given in May 2015.

There are challenges for children that grow up cross culturally. The 2 main issues are:

1. Identity: Who am I? Where do I belong? Where am I from?
2. Unresolved Grief: this can be a result of all the invisible losses, called "hidden losses". With one plane ride the whole world as the child knew changes. These are the kind of losses there are: 

• loss of their world
• loss of status
• loss of lifestyle
• loss of possessions (it can be a bicycle, toys, tree houses, pets)
• loss of role models
• loss of system identity
• loss of the past that was/ or wasn't

Parents should not just tell their children how great it will be in the next country, but they should take a minute and say "I understand", it's hard to leave and say goodbye. They should validate the emotions their children feel.

Recently there was an interesting discussion on Goodreads on the topic of unresolved grief. Lois Bushong was the facilitator of the discussion. 

What can we do with the grief? Some people use journalling, music or painting. It can help to talk to a friend about it. Others talk to a therapist. If you need a therapist you could check the International Therapist Directory.

In the talk Ruth poses the following question: How can we help people to use the incredible riches of their childhood? She suggests the following:

1. Normalize the story
2. Celebrate the both/ and's (celebrate the positive and acknowledge the challenges)
3. Identify/mourn the hidden losses
4. Re-define identity (can we be international?)
5. Establish portable roots
6. Recognize marketable gifts (like language, cross-cultural adaptability)

I recently wrote a guest post on MaDonna's blog called Raising TCKs. In it I share my personal story of leaving the African nest, leaving Zimbabwe to go to university in the Netherlands. With one plane ride my whole world changed drastically.

Did you grow up cross-culturally? Did you celebrate the good things and acknowledge the challenges? Please share your story or your advice. I would love to hear from you. 

Related links:    

• 14 Ways to embrace your global identity by Tayo Rockson (HuffingtonPost)
• My 10 disadvantages of growing up cross-culturally DrieCulturen
• Meet More Third Culture Kids (uydmag.com)
• Transtioning Globally to university guestblog (DjiboutiJones)

Providing children with tools to tell their stories

My inspiration today is an amazing post by Eric Spreng, an international school teacher at the International School of Ouagadougou (the capital of Burkina Faso). I wish there were more international school teachers like him. I wish I had teachers like him when I grew up in Africa.

He teaches to promote student voice, he provides the students with tools they need to articulate themselves and their stories, especially when these stories challenge the dominate narratives that would marginalize them. I think this is what all children need but especiallt third culture kids. They need tools to articulate themselves. They need tools to be able to tell their story in what ever environment or situation they are.

Recently I came across this quote and I believe it is so true.

"All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them" these are words by Karen Blixen, the author of the book "Out of Africa".

Third culture kids grow up often moving from country to country with their parents. It can be very exciting and adventerous but the other side of the coin is that they often have to depart and leave friends and familiar places. They often have to say goodbyes. These moments can be painful and sad. If they are equipped with tools to tell their stories it could be great help for them in life. It will make them more resilient and more able to thrive in this global world.

Not only teachers can teach kids the importance of their stories, but we as parents can teach our

Photo by DrieCulturen, taken at Schiphol

children too. Decades of research has shown that most happy families communicate effectively. It means that as a family you tell a positive story about yourselves. If you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family's positive moments and your ability to bounce back from difficult ones. Read more on this topic in the article The Stories that Bind Us.

So back to Eric Spreng's post. He says: "From the beginning of the year, I make it clear that student voice is one of our great resources, that students' diverse experiences and cultures are assests to us as a community of learners. He gives examples of students that develop their own voice, do read his post called "Why I teach: Voice, Discourse and Empathy."

Related Posts

• Will therapy be a place third culture kids find their voice?
• Where I'm from...
• Are you raising messed up kids?
• The downside of growing up as a third culture kid 

Help: Another Third Culture Kid is Going to University/College!

This afternoon at 4 pm Dutch time there will be a TCKchat on twitter and the theme is advice for third culture kids going to university information can be found here. So while thinking on this topic I remembered a recent article I have read. It's on the experiences of third culture kids transitioning to university life in Australia. The article was published in the International Journal of Intercultural Relations and is written bij Lauren Purnell and Elizabeth Hoban. The lead researcher Purnell is an adult TCK who spent 14 years of her upbringing living in Botswanna, Vietnam and Nepal before moving to Australia after graduating from high school overseas.

When studying in Holland: you need a bike! Photo DrieCulturen

culture kids on going to university or college. These TCKchats (#TCKchat) are held every first and third Wednesday of the month.

During the research 12 in-depth interviews were held with Australian TCKs aged 18-27 years who had spent 3-18 years living abroad and had lived in Australia for 7 months to 9 years.

4 Themes emerged from the data and a TCK Transition into University Model was developed. This model included 4 Stages:

1. Preparedness prior to transition
2. Initial experience during transition (initial 6 months in passport country)
3. Adjustment during transition (6 months to 2 yrs)
4. Stabilization (2 yrs and beyond)

The key findings included participants who received preparation from their school and family prior to moving, had practical support in Australia and engaged in Australian social networks and university life experienced improved emotional health and made way for a positive transition.

My short conclusion is:

1. Families and schools should prepare TCKs for the transition
2. Parents should make sure there are friends or family available for practical help 
3. TCKs should try and get involved in university life or other social activities.

More research needs to be done. What is your advice? What are your thoughts? Please share them!

Related posts:

• Transitioning Globally to University (a guestblog I did at Djibouti Jones)
• The TCKchat on transitioning to college/university (storify)
• Previous post: Third Culture Kids Going to University
• The most difficult transition for Third Culture Kids
• Just for fun: The Positive Aspects of Being a TCK (Tayo Rockson) 

Interview with Fellow Third Culture Kid and Author Heidi Sand-Hart

More than a year ago I interviewed Heidi, author of the book Home Keeps Moving. I really liked the interview so I have decided to repost it. There is a great opportunity to get a signed copy of Heidi's book with 25% discount check her website.

I like her advice for third culture kids or adult third culture kids:
Read as much as you can about TCKs so you can understand yourself better -- connect with other TCKs either in person or online and begin to process the results of your upbringing. Deal with any unresolved anger or bitterness you may have as a result because it will eat you up after a while. And focus on the many positives that such a diverse life has - embrace the uniqueness.

1. In which countries did you live as a child and what age were you at the time?
England - born and lived off an on until I was 16, India - age 5 (off and on) until I was 18, Norway - 15-17 years old.

2. What was the reason that you were living abroad? If it was work, what kind of work did your parents do?
My parents were missionaries so that is the reason we lived between India and England all the time, for durations of 8 months - 2 years. My mother started 2 orphanages in South India for unwanted girls and my father taught but also researched different tribal groups.

3. Please tell us about your book "Home Keeps Moving". How old were you when you wrote the book?
“Home Keeps Moving” tells the story of growing up in many worlds due to moving frequently throughout my childhood. It gives a lot of insight into the many struggles and challenges that “Third Culture Kids” face with constantly leaving friends, homes and their familiar surroundings – of those trying to grasp an understanding of who they are and how they fit into their current society. I actually started writing "Home Keeps Moving" over years ten ago when I was 19 years old but realised the task was too overwhelming at the time. As I’ve gotten older, I have realised how exciting, colourful and unique my own childhood was and I wanted to share that with others.

4. Many people want to write a book someday, but you did it! Who was your inspiration and what was the key to your success?

I was inspired to write a book when I discovered there were hardly any personal accounts of growing up as a "Third Culture Kid" out there. There is the TCK bible (as it's referred to) but not a lot which actually tells the story first hand of constantly moving, adapting, transitioning…leaving friends, houses, pets, schools and starting all over again. I realised as I entered my early 20s how much my unusual upbringing had moulded me and wanted to reach out to others in the same place. I also hoped the book would be insightful to people from conventional backgrounds and can be used as a tool to understand their TCK friends/colleagues/spouses better. As for who inspired me to write it…conversations with my brother were the catalyst but I just had a desire within that wouldn't fade away so ten years down the line, I picked it up and gave it another go!

5. What's your advice for other TCKs or for anyone wanting to write a book?
Stick with it until the end! It seems like everyone has started writing a book at some stage of their lives but not many people complete them. It is tough going at times but make sure you surround yourself with supportive people and keep giving yourself goals to achieve.

6. What did you most like about growing up abroad?
I loved spending so much of my childhood in India…a culture so completely opposite to my European heritage. It's colour, vibrancy, smells and smiles were captivating and I loved all the travelling and tropical holidays we had there. I loved the chaos and freedom…as a child, it felt like you could do anything since it's not ruled by laws like Northern Europe.

7. What was most difficult?
I suppose missing friends in England was the hardest thing and I remember missing sweets and food but we adapted quickly and had a rich life in India in different ways.

8. How did living abroad influence your choice of career or study?
Living in India and seeing the value of my mum's work (orphanages) birthed in me the desire to do something similar with my life. It seemed that all around me people had made unconventional choices with their lives and it gave me the boldness to not do traditional further education (university) but pursue my dreams instead.

9. Can you say something about your social network? In how many countries do you have friends?
Good Lord, that's a great question…one that I can't answer though! It must be close to a hundred countries for sure but don't hold me to that! Social networking sites (such as Facebook) have really helped me stay connected to dear friends around the world. It makes them feel closer even though I rarely get to see them in person.

10. Which languages do you speak? Do you have advice on learning languages for families living abroad now?
I speak English and Norwegian (limited) and a small mishmash of other languages. I studied French and German at school but unless you immerse yourself in the language, I don't think it sticks for as long. Growing up as a TCK is definitely the best opportunity to jump leaps ahead with languages…it's a great advantage.

11. When and where did you first hear of the term “third culture kid (TCK)? How did you hear of it and in which way did it help you?
I first heard the term "Third Culture Kid" as a 16 year old when I was living in India. My cousin had sent an article (by David Pollock) to my parents and it suddenly jumped out at me. I was extremely excited to know I belonged to this tribe and felt proud of my upbringing.

12. What characteristics have you developed or do you think you have developed because of growing up abroad?
A deep love and passion for travel and different cultures. I have a travel bug that can never be eradicated…the more I see, the more I realise there is to see. I love seeing and recognising the positives in both the European and Asian ways of life despite being opposite. The world isn't rigid, there is no right or wrong. We are just the result of the bubble we grew up in and luckily, my bubbles are many and large. TCKs generally have cultural awareness and can pick accents easily!  

13. Are there things related to growing up abroad that are difficult for you to this day?
I constantly miss the other side…the grass is always greener and when I'm in London, I constantly dream of being in Asia. When I've been there for a while, I usually romanticise London! The hardest thing is always having a part of you missing…

14. How was it to return to your “home country” (passport country)?
This one's tricky because my passport growing up was Norwegian but I was born in England and hadn't lived in Norway until I was 16. When I did move to Norway though as a teenager, it was a huge shock and very difficult time for me. I didn't fit in at all and actually wanted people to think I was English! I talk a lot about this in the book so I will leave it at that…

15. With which countries do you feel a bond? Where’s home?
The strongest bonds for me are definitely with India and England. Despite my parents both being Scandinavian (Finnish/Norwegian), I have never had an affinity with either of their countries because we didn't spend much time in either of them when I was a child. It was just summer holidays and we always thought upon England or India as "home". India lives in my blood, constantly calling me back. And England…it's the country of my birth, most of my early childhood memories and bonds occurred there and I have chosen to bond with it. I understand how everything works…the humour, the system, the people, the transport…but deep down, I still know that I'll never truly fit in. That's why I love London…it is so multicultural and you can be from anywhere in the world yet be accepted as a Londoner. For now, it's "home".

A thank you to Heidi for the interview. Heidi's blog is: homekeepsmoving.blogspot.com. You can follow her on twitter: @HomeKeepsMoving. By the way what would your advice be to third culture kids?

Related Posts

• Giving Third Culture Kids a Voice
• Book review of Expat Teens Talk
• Book review of Slurping Soup and Other Confusions
• New Book Belonging Everywhere & Nowhere: Insights into Counseling the Globally Mobile by Lois J.Bushong

I'm not a tourist but I 'm not really Dutch either...

With a suitcase, a really full bag, my viola with a tennis racket strapped onto it I board the plane. Alone. Depature was from Harare, Zimbabwe and the destination Schiphol international airport. Arrival time a fresh morning in May. Blond, blue eyes, nineteen years old, the start of an adventure called: going to university in Holland. Was I an international student? Was I Dutch?

One thing was certain even though I spoke Dutch I did not really understand the Dutch. I thought I knew what I should know. I thought I would be able to understand the ways of the Dutch. What a major culture shock! The wierd thing was that I had not expected a culture shock at all. In the meantime I have survived and started to thrive here so I have some advice for you.

10 tips to survive and thrive in the Netherlands:

1. Buy a bicycle. It's an easy way to integrate, do as the Dutch do. If you are sensible you will buy some

   

   At Keukenhof by DrieCulturen 

   good "fietstassen" (bicycle bags) too. Mine are one of the best investments I have ever made. They have served me so well I could write a whole post just about my "fietstassen".
2. If you are serious about learning Dutch get a button "Spreek Nederlands! met mij!" and pin it on your jacket. Otherwise people start speaking English to you when they hear your accent or hear you struggling to speak Dutch.
3. Buy a museumkaart which gives you free entry to nearly 400 museums all over the country. To give you an idea there are more than 30 museums in Amsterdam which you can visit with the card.
4. If you have a garden plant some tulip bulbs, it will make spring even more exciting. You can plant them now between September and December. I mean it is the country of the tulips so why not let them flower in your garden.
5. Make sure you know how to flush the toilet. There are many different kind of toilets here. Sometimes you need to push a button or pull on a chain. There are even bloggers that write about the toilet here: everything you never wanted to know about Dutch toilets.
6. When going to a Dutch birthday party remember to congratulate all the family members too, it's what you do here.
7. If you want to start a conversation while waiting in a queue just start talking about the weather. In the beginning I was irritated about the fact that everyone complained about the weather and was always talking about the weather but it is just a way to start a conversation. What a revelation!  
8. Start cycling just for fun. There are nearly 35 thousand kilometres of cycle paths in our country. It is the cyclist friendliest country in the world. Discover the cycling culture! Even the BBC wonders why cycling is so popular in the Netherlands? Do you need suggestions for your cycling adventure? If so check this website Nederland Fietsland. 
9. Taste the local food like stroopwafels, drop (liquorish) and herring. Did you that herring is the thing the Dutch miss most when they live abroad?
10. Make a local friend and spend time together.

Now back to the question about where I'm from. The answer is a complicated one. I am not a tourist but I am not really Dutch either. I was born and bred in Africa but I have a Dutch passport. When I came to my "passport country" I suffered from a culture shock. I now know I was a hidden immigrant at the time. I looked very Dutch but I thought differently. My identity had been formed by all the years I had lived in Africa. Even though I spoke Dutch at home I did not know the sayings and the slang words. I easily connect with expats and internationally minded people, actually I love being in an environment with people from different nationalities. Years ago I discovered that I was a "third culture kid". That discovery helped me understand my confusion. It gave words to my feelings. I am a member of the "third culture kid" tribe. Actually I am a global citizen living in the Netherlands at the moment. In Dutch we would say "een wereldburger".

Just in case you have never heard of the term "third culture kids" it refers to a person who has spent a

At Madurodam by DrieCulturen

significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture, like I did. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any.

Moving to the Netherlands years ago was the start of my new adventure. I hope you meet as many interesting people as I have here, I hope you become addicted to cycling like I did. I hope you not only survive but thrive in the land of the clogs and tulips. Do you have any survive and thrive tips? Please share them here.

If you enjoy this blog would you take a couple of minutes and vote for my blog in the I'm not a tourist expat blog competition. Voting closes 30 October 2013. So time is short. Thank you for your support.

Will therapy be the place a third culture kid finds their voice?

Once again the internet has helped me find some research on third culture kids. This time it is a thesis on the subject "Third Route Kids: A New Way of Conceptualizing the Adult Third Culture Kid Experience" by Tamara Lynn Williams at the University of British Columbia (February 2013).

I want to quote part of her research. I know she writes specifically about the therapeutic setting but there are some great themes here: third culture kids as hidden immigrants, fitting in to the dominant group, silencing their voices, and not telling their stories.

"In a therapeutic setting, it may be of help to recognize your role as a therapist in restoring the voice to the TCKs in the room and to encourage them in finding places where their stories and their voices will be accepted as valuable. Being able to share their stories, even in a focus group setting, appeared to be a positive and encouraging experience for the participants, and their stories were often punctuated with laughter and recognition of a shared experience. Remembering that TCKs are often a hidden minority/non-dominant/immigrant population is important, since they may often be able to fit into the social expectations in the world around them and will often avoid talking about stories or experiences that may make others uncomfortable or that sessile individuals have difficulty relating to. As a therapist, it is important not to place people into predetermined categories based on assumptions of their culture or past. Many TCKs are able to appear to fit into a dominant group, due to the silencing they have experienced; if not given a voice in therapy, their experience may go unexplored. It is hoped that therapy will serve as a place where TCKs’ voices are heard and not another experience where TCKs are silenced."

The research included focus groups of third culture kids in which they discussed different topics. What was striking is that participants noticed that they all experienced a certain time that they felt:

1. Increased angst
2. Dissatisfaction with themselves
3. Identity confusion.

As they matured they grew out of the period of angst and identity confusion. During that time they they felt:

1. Dissatisfaction with their sense of self
2. Heightened anxiety
3. Sadness
4. Worry over whether they would ever fit in

There were periods of feeling grief, anger and sadness over their childhood experiences. The good news is that as they matured and grew out of that developmental phase they began to feel at peace and happy with their experiences.

If you grew up abroad, like I did and have experienced one or more of the feelings mentioned above then I hope you know now that you are not the only one with these feelings. It can be quite painful at the time but there is hope. A time can come when you feel at peace and can look back and kind of be happy with your experiences. I have not had help from a therapist but some times I wonder how it would have helped me. I read a lot on the topic of third culture kids. Reading and talking to others has helped me on my journey.

You might need a little help in the process, maybe a therapist can help you a little on the way. If you find a good therapist, the therapy can be a safe place where your third culture kid voice and story can be heard.

Tips to help you on your journey in becoming an adult TCK:

• Find people who will listen to your story!
• Remember you have a unique story which needs to be told. Start a blog or submit your stories for the TCK anthology, read Giving Third Culture Kids A Voice for more information.
• Sharing your story with like-minded people can be positive and encouraging.
• If in despair seek help from a good therapist.

Have you felt any of the emotions mentioned? Have you found a way to be at peace with your childhood experineces? Any tips? Did therapy give you a safe place to tell your story? I wonder. Please share your story here. By the way here's the link to Tamara Lynn William's research.

Related posts:

• The downside of growing up overseas as a third culture kid
• TCK Talent Diahann Reys in her elemant as writer, actor and storytelling coach (the Displaced Nation)
• Are you raising messed up kids?
• My 10 disadvantages of growing up abroad

Giving Third Culture Kids A Voice

Recently I had the privilege of meeting Eva László-Hertbert. I am glad she agreed to answer some questions about a great project that she is doing together with Jo Parfitt. Third culture kids this is your opportunity to be creative and to let your voice be heard. The project is called The Worlds Within TCK Anthology. The deadline for submissions has been postponed to the 30th of October 2013, so you can still send in

submissions.

These words by Eva jumped out at me:

"I am hugely excited about this project and want to shout it out to all four corners of the world:  hello, young and beautiful people, this is your moment to tell the world what it is like to be born in Dubai, have grandparents in Leicestershire, Skype with a best friend in Poland and still miss life in Argentina." 

How was the idea for the book born?

Home is where the sunflower grows

The idea for the upcoming anthology of TCK writing “ The Worlds Within “ was forged following the 2012 FIGT  – Families in Global Transition – conference in Washington DC, USA. I was invited to be the closing key note speaker and Jo was launching her book and leading workshops on writing your life story.

Founded in 1998 at the kitchen table of Ruth van Reken (co-author of Third Culture Kids–Growing Up Among Worlds), FIGT is both the mother hen and the flagship of all writing, research and publishing on TCK/ ATCK matters, connecting brilliant minds who speak and dream in many tongues all across the globe.

To me, sharing my views on identity vs nationality with 200 strangers who I had come to deeply feel connected to in less than 72 hours was a life changing event. It was for the first time ever that all the many pieces of my “weird” biography were being voiced and brought together – and no one told me off for being weird, strange, too complicated or simply unreal. These people were genuinely curious and they kept nodding – and then had equally incredible stories to share themselves. Which they did until the wee hours of the morning.

Questions that had put my life on hold for so many years – who am I, where do I really belong to, and so many more – suddenly found an answer and were put into the right context and perspective. Words fail to describe the effect this had on my outlook on myself and the many worlds I am living in… on Facebook this would translate into OMG !! WOW !! and a lot of L J.

My definition of home is: home is where you don’t need to explain yourself.

Well, in March 2012, at FIGT – please immerse yourself into www.FIGT.org -  me, myself and I arrived home. HOME! After returning to The Hague, my eureka moment and Jo’s expert and compassionate guidance led to the idea of giving other TCKs and ATCKs a voice of their own, to be compiled into an anthology of original writing.  A lot has been written about TCKs / ATCKs and related issues – we felt that the time for showcasing the practice in genuine TCK/ATCK words and art was ripe. 

Is it correct that art and writing can be submitted?

To be part of The Worlds Within: Write as much as a short story or as little as a haiku – you may use up to 2000 words; draw, paint, make a collage – whatever.

The deadline for submissions is 30 October 2013.

Submissions can be sent to TCKTheWorldsWithin@gmail.com, in Times New Roman 12 font, formatted in indented paragraphs. Artwork will be published in black and white and must be submitted in the highest possible resolution.

Authors, aged 0-27, have the explicit right to remain anonymous or submit their work using a nom-de-plume.

Minimum requirements that need to accompany submissions: a name, the age when the submitted work was created, countries the author has lived in and a three word motto, which is relevant to their life (mine, for example is: connect – contribute – celebrate). If desired, they may add any information – website, blog, email, twitter – by which their art / writing can be followed.

The texts – up to 100 – will be organized by age.

Yes, we do accept submissions of group effort – what a great idea!

For all further questions please email us TCKTheWorldsWithin@gmail.com, like us on www.facebook.com/TheWorldsWithin and – very important – keep writing!

And, last but not least: please be our ambassador. Tell your siblings, cousins, friends, colleagues and class mates about this chance to tell the world what it feels like to be the genuine, unique and complex YOU.

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Thank you Eva. I hope there will be many submissions because children who grow up in other cultures are very creative. Even adult third culture kids can send in submissions. Please spread the word around. I just love the idea of a book with works by third culture kids. What are your thoughts on this? I would love some comments. Just to let you know that I read each comment.

Related Posts:

• Guestblog: An Ode To Third Culture Kids
• TCK speaking: "I'm not from Anywhere"
• Guestpost: Who am I?
• SeaChangeMentoring Events October 2013 Den Haag (SeaChangeMentoring Website)