Preparing for the Families in Global Transition Conference 2016

At the moment I am preparing for the FIGT conference which will take place in March. It's the first time ever that this conference will take place in the Netherlands. It's the first time it will take place in Europe. It's the first time I will attend the conference and it's the first time I will be presenting at the conference. Very exciting! By the way the conference schedule is available and the presenter biographies. As you can see there are more than 50 presenters, I expect that they will represent all the corners of the world.

While preparing for my session I was searching the internet for new information on third culture kids. I found a nice short video made by teenager Alison. She's a third culture kid herself, she explains what it means, has done some research and she gives advice. It's worth watching.

She conducted a survey and it revealed that the TCKs find leaving friends and changing school the most difficult. It took them a couple a months to adjust to the new surrounding. She encourages TCKs to meet new people and learn the new language. Her last advice is: Stay open-minded and resilient and moving can enhance your life.

By the way I hope you are attending the Families in Global Transition Conference in Amsterdam too. Please let me know if you're coming so we can meet up. 

Related posts: 
My 10 advantages of growing up abroad
Interview with graphic design student Jessica Wen on her third culture kid book project
Interesting interview with researcher and adult third culture kid Rachel Cason 

Will therapy be the place a third culture kid finds their voice?

Once again the internet has helped me find some research on third culture kids. This time it is a thesis on the subject "Third Route Kids: A New Way of Conceptualizing the Adult Third Culture Kid Experience" by Tamara Lynn Williams at the University of British Columbia (February 2013).

I want to quote part of her research. I know she writes specifically about the therapeutic setting but there are some great themes here: third culture kids as hidden immigrants, fitting in to the dominant group, silencing their voices, and not telling their stories.

"In a therapeutic setting, it may be of help to recognize your role as a therapist in restoring the voice to the TCKs in the room and to encourage them in finding places where their stories and their voices will be accepted as valuable. Being able to share their stories, even in a focus group setting, appeared to be a positive and encouraging experience for the participants, and their stories were often punctuated with laughter and recognition of a shared experience. Remembering that TCKs are often a hidden minority/non-dominant/immigrant population is important, since they may often be able to fit into the social expectations in the world around them and will often avoid talking about stories or experiences that may make others uncomfortable or that sessile individuals have difficulty relating to. As a therapist, it is important not to place people into predetermined categories based on assumptions of their culture or past. Many TCKs are able to appear to fit into a dominant group, due to the silencing they have experienced; if not given a voice in therapy, their experience may go unexplored. It is hoped that therapy will serve as a place where TCKs’ voices are heard and not another experience where TCKs are silenced."

The research included focus groups of third culture kids in which they discussed different topics. What was striking is that participants noticed that they all experienced a certain time that they felt:

1. Increased angst
2. Dissatisfaction with themselves
3. Identity confusion.

As they matured they grew out of the period of angst and identity confusion. During that time they they felt:

1. Dissatisfaction with their sense of self
2. Heightened anxiety
3. Sadness
4. Worry over whether they would ever fit in

There were periods of feeling grief, anger and sadness over their childhood experiences. The good news is that as they matured and grew out of that developmental phase they began to feel at peace and happy with their experiences.

If you grew up abroad, like I did and have experienced one or more of the feelings mentioned above then I hope you know now that you are not the only one with these feelings. It can be quite painful at the time but there is hope. A time can come when you feel at peace and can look back and kind of be happy with your experiences. I have not had help from a therapist but some times I wonder how it would have helped me. I read a lot on the topic of third culture kids. Reading and talking to others has helped me on my journey.

You might need a little help in the process, maybe a therapist can help you a little on the way. If you find a good therapist, the therapy can be a safe place where your third culture kid voice and story can be heard.

Tips to help you on your journey in becoming an adult TCK:

• Find people who will listen to your story!
• Remember you have a unique story which needs to be told. Start a blog or submit your stories for the TCK anthology, read Giving Third Culture Kids A Voice for more information.
• Sharing your story with like-minded people can be positive and encouraging.
• If in despair seek help from a good therapist.

Have you felt any of the emotions mentioned? Have you found a way to be at peace with your childhood experineces? Any tips? Did therapy give you a safe place to tell your story? I wonder. Please share your story here. By the way here's the link to Tamara Lynn William's research.

Related posts:

• The downside of growing up overseas as a third culture kid
• TCK Talent Diahann Reys in her elemant as writer, actor and storytelling coach (the Displaced Nation)
• Are you raising messed up kids?
• My 10 disadvantages of growing up abroad

The Winner is...Someone who is Raising Third Culture Kids!

Last but not least! MaDonna who writes the blog Raising TCKs has won the giveaway, a signed copy of the book Expat Life Slice by Slice to celebrate my blog's second anniversary. She was the last person to post a comment on the great interview with the Telegraph blogger and author of the book Apple Gidley. Apple grew up abroad and has kept moving since. If you missed the interview do check it out because it is worth reading. I enjoyed it and did you know Apple even lived in Emmen, the Netherlands for some time?

I like her closing words: "I think amidst all the chaos of packing and adjustments, particularly at this time of year when people are on the move again, it’s important to remember the chaos will dissipate, the groans of reluctant children will lessen and we will find a friend with whom to share coffee or wine."  

Let's take those words to heart especially during a time of change. Even during a storm, a time will come when the storm has passed and all is at rest again. Peace has returned.

There is a favourite little verse of mine. I learned it in Africa and it has stayed with me since. It's comforting:

A cup of coffee in Gent, Belgium recently @DrieCulturen

Life is a mixture of sunshine and rain
teardrops and laughter
pleasure and pain
We can't have all bright days,
but is is certainly true:
There was never a cloud the sun did not shine through!

I want to congratulate MaDonna on winning the book. I hope she finds some time to a read and enjoy the book. MaDonna lives in Asia, she calls her family a fusion family. One of her TCKs is a special needs child and with lots of wisdom MaDonna writes about her experiences. Like the post on An Expat Special Needs TCK Parent. Her most recent post is: Expat Special Needs Parent: Marriage Homework. 
She's on twitter too @mdmaurer.

By the way how do you survive a storm in your life? Any tips?

Interesting Links:

• Sharing a secret on raising resilient kids
• Third Culture Kid series: Painting Pictures (Djiboutijones)
• Interview with Heidi Dans-Hart author of Home Keeps Moving
• Make Sure to Say Good-Bye (RaisingTCKs) 

A third culture kid speaking "I'm not from anywhere"

"Where are you from?" is a difficult question for third culture kids (or expat kids). Often there is no simple answer. Just like Victoria explains on this video. She actually often answers "I'm not from anywhere". When you hear her story you will understand why she says that. For those who do not have time to watch I will let you in on her secret. The background of her family is Ukrainian but she was born in Richmond, Virginia, she lived in Russia, Italy, Syria, Germany, China and then back yo the USA. (Excuse some of the language in the video). I have included this video because Victoria explains what is was like to return to the USA. She discovered that she felt so embarrassed because she did not know how to say "the pledge of Allegiance" , she could not name all the American presidents, she had not had American history but I am sure she knew lots of other things. Victoria was teased for not knowing the names of all the presidents, imagine that. People asked her the dumbest questions: like did you ride camels wherever you went in Syria?

Moving was a constant factor in her life. There was always only a short time to make friends before she would loose them again because they would move on. She really wonders how people can live in one place all their lives, is it not boring? Victoria is looking for an international job because that's what she is comfortable with, that is what she knows. She says the best way to discover a culture is to eat the food. She ends by saying that she has to go and do something, learn a language or make a move.

Just like Victoria, I found it hard to answer the question: where are you from? I remember being embarrassed because there were things here in the Netherlands that I did not know about. To this day I am still not very good in Dutch geography, knowing where place are. I can tell you lots about places in Zimbabwe, would that do? I recently discovered that there is an online mentoring program for expat youths called Sea Change Mentoring. They aim to prepare young people returning to their "home country" to minimize reverse culture shock and to maximize the benefits of having lived abroad. That sounds really good, I wish there had been something like this when I moved from Bulawayo, Zimbabwe to university in the Netherlands. That was a real shock, I wrote about it earlier: The most difficult transition for third culture kids.

What was your experience like? Did you have embarrassing moments? Did you have a reverse culture shock? Do you have advice for kids returning to their "home" country? Do you know where you're from?

Related posts:

• My 10 disadvantages of growing up abroad
• Neither here nor there...where do I belong?
• Third culture kids and cultural identity confusion
• Third culture kids learning to be themselves
• How to relate to non-TCKs by Ruth van Reken at TCK Academy

I am all the places in which I've left my heart

I came across this poem called "TCK" it is written by someone who writes under the name Marina Sofia. I would encourage you to read her poem. I just love it. Sometimes words can say so much.

In the poem she asks: "Who am I?"
One of her answers is: "I am all the places in which I've left my heart".

Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe by Janneke @DrieCulturen

If that's true, then pieces of my heart are in Zambia, Malawi, Zimbabwe, Scotland (I studied there for a couple of months) and here in the Netherlands. Recently we were on holiday in Indonesia, I think I lost my heart to that country too. Life's complicated sometimes.

I often think that there is so much more to me than you can see on the outside.
There's a hidden story on the inside for those who are interested enough to find out, or to ask about it.
For some the stories are too much to handle.
Growing up far away is a life beyond your imagination.
For others it is an exotic, fascinating story.
Maybe you fantasize too much.

Maybe we all have hidden stories.
Even those who grow up near to their roots.
Maybe we all have a moment that we struggle with our identity.
What do you think?

I do have a story to tell about every place that I left a piece of my heart.
Do you want to hear them?
Maybe in the coming posts.....
Let me know what you want to hear about.
I want to let you know that I want to hear your story too.

Is this true for you? "I am all the places in which I've left my heart"

Related posts:

• How do transitions effect children?
• Children of the world, where are your roots?
• Heard of the magazine: Among Worlds?
• New book about TCKs: Writing out of Limbo

Derdecultuurkinderen of terwijl third culture kids: het onderwerp is "hot"

Hebben jullie de Volkskrant Magazine gelezen van het afgelopen weekend? Er staat een artikel in over "Het expateffect". Verhuis kinderen van expats terug naar hun eigen land en de verwarring slaat toe. Wat mij betreft is het super herkenbaar. Ik ben vanuit Afrika naar Nederland gekomen om hier aan de universiteit te studeren. Lees mijn verhaal hier.

Het valt mij op dat er de laatste tijd vaker artikelen over derdecultuurkinderen (third culture kids) in de krant of tijdschriften staan. Het is natuurlijk ook zo dat als je ergens oplet je het ook sneller ziet, misschien was het er eerder ook maar nu valt het mij opeens op. Zo stond er op zaterdag 11 februari 2012 een artikel met de titel "Altijd Onrust" in het tijdschrift van het Financieel Dagblad. Expatkinderen van toen vertellen over de onrust die hen als volwassene nog altijd drijft. Ook dit is wat mij betreft herkenbaar.

In november 2011 stond er een drieluik in het blad Internationale Samenwerking: drie voormalig expatkinderen vertellen over opgroeien buiten Nederland. "Ik herken het ontheemde gevoel".

In het radioprogramma Expat on Air van Radio Nederland Wereldomroep ben ik in januari 2012 te gast geweest. Luister hier naar mijn ervaringen over het opgroeien in het buitenland en "terugkeren" naar Nederland.Eind januari 2012 ben ik te gast geweest bij DeGids.fm bij Felix Meurders. Het interview is hier te beluisteren. 

Vandaag kwam ik het verhaal tegen van schrijfster Marlies Slegers "Hoe overleef je een jeugdtrauma?" Zij woonde als kind in Indonesië en tijdens een vakantie in Nederland hoorde ze dat ze niet meer terug zou gaan naar haar school en vrienden in Indonesië. Het gevolg was heimwee en het duurde jaren voordat ze het een plekje kon geven.

In mei is er een uitvoering door Margo van de Linde in Amsterdam en Rotterdam. De uitvoering heet "Third Culture Kid". Margo is een derdecultuurkind (een TCK). Zij heeft in America, Engeland, Spanje en Canada gewoond.

Nou volgens mij is het onderwerp gewoon "hot", ik zie het overal om mij heen. De woorden die mij vooral opvallen zijn verwarring, ontheemd, onrust, heimwee. Wat zal ik er nog meer over zeggen? Wat voor woorden associeer jij met derdecultuurkinderen? Hoe was het voor jou?

Meer lezen?

• Voorbeelden van derdecultuurkinderen
• 10 nadelen van het opgroeien in andere culturen
• Nieuwe dingen doen
• Mijn beste Nederlandstalige blog berichten