Happy Again: The Power of Expressing Your Deep Emotions

While listening to the podcast called "Happy Again: The power of expressing your deep emotions" I thought I have to share this on my blog. It has been too quiet on my blog lately. The podcast is produced by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Each week they challenge someone to try a research based practice. This time Sulyman Qardash is challenged to write about his emotions. He is the lead singer in Kabul Dreams, which is the first rock band from Afghanistan. Sulyman was 17 years old when he moved back to Kabul, Afghanistan and started the band. He was a refugee in Uzbekistan before moving back. He grew up as a cross culture kid. His music talks about growing up in Afghanistan. Displacement. The life of a refugee. The current political climate.

In the research based practice Sulyman is challenged to write about his deep emotions. He writes about loss. Listen to the podcast to hear all about it. Sulyman tells about growing up in different places. "My mom always used to say that, don’t don’t get too attached to things because you know that—because she had to be very upfront about that—yeah, you know that we’re gonna leave. That’s something that I was like okay, nothing is permanent for me." 

As you know I grew up abroad and moving and loss is something you have to deal with. I noticed similar themes. Growing up in Africa nothing seemed to be permanent for me either.

You can try the expressive writing challenge. I've done it and it has helped me. It is a simple and effective way to work through an emotional challenge. I would love to hear your thoughts on the expressive writing challenge or about the podcast.

Preparing for the Families in Global Transition Conference 2016

At the moment I am preparing for the FIGT conference which will take place in March. It's the first time ever that this conference will take place in the Netherlands. It's the first time it will take place in Europe. It's the first time I will attend the conference and it's the first time I will be presenting at the conference. Very exciting! By the way the conference schedule is available and the presenter biographies. As you can see there are more than 50 presenters, I expect that they will represent all the corners of the world.

While preparing for my session I was searching the internet for new information on third culture kids. I found a nice short video made by teenager Alison. She's a third culture kid herself, she explains what it means, has done some research and she gives advice. It's worth watching.

She conducted a survey and it revealed that the TCKs find leaving friends and changing school the most difficult. It took them a couple a months to adjust to the new surrounding. She encourages TCKs to meet new people and learn the new language. Her last advice is: Stay open-minded and resilient and moving can enhance your life.

By the way I hope you are attending the Families in Global Transition Conference in Amsterdam too. Please let me know if you're coming so we can meet up. 

Related posts: 
My 10 advantages of growing up abroad
Interview with graphic design student Jessica Wen on her third culture kid book project
Interesting interview with researcher and adult third culture kid Rachel Cason 

Guest Third Culture Kid poem by Marina Sofia "Who am I?"

Thank you Marina Sofia for letting me share your poem "Who am I?" on this blog. The words touched my heart. I am so glad that there are people like Marina writing stories and poems about the feelings and challenges of third culture kids. You can follow Marina on twitter too @MarinaSofia8. Now it's over to Marina:

                                                                              *******************************************

"Who am I?" (The Third Culture Kid)

Or even fourth or fifth culture kid…  This is the internationally accepted term for children who have spent a significant portion of their formative years in cultures different from their own, or their parents.  I didn’t know I was one while I was growing up – now I am raising a couple of my own.  Personally, I much prefer the term ‘global nomad’ – has more of a glamorous ring to it, doesn’t it? But what I do have is that feeling of fragmentation: I do not have a solid, whole concrete façade, but  am made up of so many different little pebbles of influence. 

I used to think moving on is a blessing,
the moved upon powerless and grieving.
Head down, I’d prepare for exit and re-entry, again, and again,
glad to be the one gathering no moss.
But ultimately revenge is theirs:
for they sprout roots, link up, grow together, form tissue
richly alive with many shared hours and insights and tales.
All the shortcuts roll glib off their tongues,
always creating and leading their own trend,
while the mover is running to catch up, to fuddle,
stuck in the language of past generations,
never quite getting the nuance, the slang.
See that flying line of geese?  There’s one just off,
destroying the symmetry of their formation.
I fear I am something of a disappointment:
not enough of a glamour-bird when you want to preen with me,
yet not sufficiently aligned and meek.
My ducks in a row askew,
so easy to shoot at, and never enough time
to grieve.
I’ve learnt to hide my real thoughts
my own thoughts
my solitude.
I’ve learnt a short answer to the question:
‘Where are you from?’, tinged with just enough humour
and self-deprecation to disarm and charm.
Who am I?
I am all that is half-forgotten,
half-mourned, half-understood.
I am all the places in which I’ve left my heart.
I am all that is buried deep inside and want to excavate no more.
I am all that I dare not show you
for fear that you will drown.

Related posts:

• Third Culture Kids and Cultural Identity Confusion
• Third Culture Kids Learning to be themselves
• Interview with Heidi Sand-Hart author of the book "home Keeps Moving"
• Nina Sichel on understanding TCKs on Children's Mental Health Network website

Image thanks to Karpati Morgue file

My 10 disadvantages of growing up in another culture

Photo by Anita Patterson Morgue file

The last post was My 10 advantages of growing up in another culture. This week it is about the disadvantages of growing up in another culture. I do think the advantages definitely outweigh the disadvantages but the are real challenges when you grow up cross-culturally and when you relocate as a child many times, like my family did when I was growing up. In this blog post you can read how many times I moved as a child. Here are my tips when moving with kids.

So here are my 10 disadvantages:

1. Having had to move often.
2. Saying "good-bye" many times. I remember my parents used to tell friends and family that they preferred everyone to say "hello" to us and welcome us back to Holland at Schiphol international airport than that they would wave us goodbye. Maybe they found saying "good-bye" difficult too?
3. Being far away from family and friends. I found this great blog post by Libby Stephens Grandparenting over the seas. Some good advice, worth reading. I grew in the age before email and skype. Communicating is a lot easier these days.
4. Not knowing where "home" is.
5. Not knowing the geography of my passport country. I never had geography of the Netherlands. When I had geography in Zimbabwe it was mainly "African" geography.
6. Not knowing certain popular TV shows, songs etc.
7. Having a kind of restlessness. I need new challenges and changes. I even find it difficult spend time at home during a holiday period.
8. Preferring not to change my email address or telephone number if it is not absolutely necessary. In this I prefer to keep the same email address for ever if possible.Making it easier to stay in contact with old acquaintances?
9. I have some language difficulty (with Dutch), I attended international and local schools, this was all in English. We had some extra Dutch lessons but I don't feel very confident in writing Dutch.
10. Not knowing all the Dutch sayings.

On the internet I came across The 10 Lifestyle habits of third culture kids. It gives insight into the life lived by third culture kids and the kind of baggage you are left with as a result of you experiences.

"Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven."  ~Tryon Edwards

I don't think the list of disadvantages is complete but for now it is fine like this. What disadvantages do you experience or did you experience?

Related posts:

• The downside of growing up overseas as a third culture kid
• Neither Here nor There...Where do I belong?
• Cultural identity confusion and the third culture kid
• Third culture kids learning to be themselves

Global nomads on the move

Recently 3 guys traveled to 11 countries in 44 days on 18 flights covering over 38 thousand miles (about 62 000 kilometers) to create 3 short films, ‘Move’, ‘Eat’, ‘Learn’. Thanks Rick Mereki, Tim White, and Andrew Lees for the great short films you made. I will write a post on each word because the words describe the lives of third culture kids (TCKs) or global nomads very well. So today it's all about moving.

I looked up the definition of the word "move" in the free online dictionary. Here follow a few of the definitions: "To go from one residence or location to another; relocate. To cause to go from one place to another. To start off; depart."

Idioms:

move in on

1. To make intrusive advances toward; intrude on.

2. To attempt to seize control of: moving in on their territory.

on the move

1. Busily moving about; active: 

2. Going from one place to another: 

3. Making progress; advancing: 

A study in Denmark found that children who had moved house more than three times were more likely to have been suicidal. "Children may feel ignored and have no one to communicate with. A suicide attempt may, to some extent, express the need for more attention from their parents." So parents please keep talking with your kids before, during and after moving. Many third culture kids (TCKs) or global nomads have moved more than three times. Actually I just discovered that I fall into this at risk category.  Before my 20th birthday I had lived in four different countries: Zambia, Malawi, Zimbabwe, and the Netherlands. Two different continents. In Malawi we lived in Blantyre and Lilongwe. In Zimbabwe I lived in Bulawayo, Mutare and then we moved back to Bulawayo again. Normally I don't add the times we moved within a town, that did not really count for me, but it does count! I am kind of losing count now but I think I moved at least 11 times before my 20th birthday. Heidi Sand-Hart, an adult third culture kid (ATCK) wrote a book Home Keeps Moving. Guess what? It's all about moving.

The American Academy of Child and adolescent Psychiatry writes that children who move frequently are more likely to have problems at school. In the article there are also 7 tips for parents to make the move easier for kids. One that is very important for kids moving around the globe (TCKs) is:

Help children keep in touch with friends from the previous neighborhood/country through telephone, skype, letters, e-mail, and personal visits. 

Julia Simens has written about The top 10 ways to cope with any transition. She is the author of the book Emotional Resilience and the expat child. You can read a book review by Wordgeyser here.

Words I associate with moving are:

• change
• chaos
• stress
• uncertainty
• adapting again
• losing friends

Of course there are positive things about moving but today I want to focus a little on the negative side. After writing all this I must admit that I still enjoyed this film. I hope you do too.

 

Third culture kids (TCKs) or ATCKs what are your experiences with moving? What are your thoughts on this topic? Parents of global nomads do you have advice for other families? What are the lessons you have learned? I want you to know that I appreciate your comments.

Want to read more? Read my post Global Nomads on the move part 2

Lees ook: Verhuizen met kinderen

Twitter update week 32: news on kids growing up in other cultures

Just in case you missed these twitter links, here they are. Especially for you.

Nice article about kids and their accents (third culture kids, TCKs)
http://t.co/7rXWtSG

Tips for kids to settle into their new home
http://t.co/w6snfFE

Moving with kids to a new country, involve the kids with the move
http://bit.ly/na6wrt

A book review of Expat Children´s book `Sammy´s Next Move` by Helen Maffini
http://bit.ly/r8gOFm

A blog post by a third culture kid (TCK) writing about being addicted to change
http://bit.ly/pa9L1w

Check out this new TCK documentary/film via @ahdancecompany:
http://t.co/Yz9DMDA 

Excellent feature on third culture kids (TCKs) in @Macalester's alumni magazine called                  "At home in the world" http://t.co/bpsiSHw

How to prepare your kid for real life, before sending him/her to college
http://bit.ly/qaNHga

Giving kids a little help to make new friends at the start of the school year
http://t.co/EmgtXkE

I found an interesting post at The Smart Expat. She is mother of two third culture kids (TCKs) and she wrote a post on Where do you come from? Her daughter had lived in five countries and her son had lived in four different countries. This question is the most difficult question or one of the most difficult questions for children who grow up in different cultures. They are known as third culture kids or global nomads. They could be expat kids, but it is not necessary.

Is `where do you come from?` a difficult question for you? It was during my university days. Do you have any interesting links on kids growing up in other cultures? Please add your links in the comment section. Thanks.