Book Review: B at Home, Emma Moves Again by Valérie Besanceney

To start with I would like to wish you all happy new year. I hope it will be a year that you and your children will thrive and be resilient. I hope to write more about resilience in another post. In case you are moving with children this year than the book B at Home, Emma Moves Again might be just the book you need.

Emma is 10 years old and has already moved twice. At the start of the book she lives in the Netherlands. In the book her parents tell her that the family is moving again. She has mixed emotions and turns to B, her faithful teddy bear. Together they make the move.
Children can identify with the girl in the story. It can help them to feel that they are not alone, that there are other children who have gone through the same things. It can help children give words to the emotions they are feeling.

There are discussion questions at the end of the book. Parents could use the questions to chat with their children about the upcoming move. An example of a question is: Emma and her friends talk about how certain smells bring back memories. What are some smells that bring back strong memories for you?

The author Valérie Besanceney was born in the Netherlands, grew up as a third culture kid, making several international moves as a child, she is an experienced international school teacher and is raising two TCK daughters. She definitely knows what she is talking about. In addition to the book B at Home Besanceney has created a workbook My Moving Booklet. This is a great tool for parents and schools to ease a transition for a child. The children can share their emotions and there is also lots of room for creativity.

I had the privilege of meeting Valérie at the Families in Global transition Conference in Amsterdam in 2016.

Have you or one of your children read the book B at Home, Emma Moves Again? Are there other books that you would recommend for kids making international moves? Please share them with us.

Related Posts:

• Book: Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child
• Book review of Expat Teens Talk
• Q and A with Tanya Crossman author of the book "Misunderstood"
• Interview with Heidi Sand-Hart author of the book Home Keeps Moving
• 10 Tips to help your child prepare for an international move

10 tips to help you prepare your child for an international move

Recently I read a post on Facebook. A mother was asking advice on how to prepare her daughter for a n upcoming move from England to the Netherlands. Her daughter is 5 years old and she had said to her mum "Please mum I don't want to leave my home and my school". I am sure her child is not the only one that does not want to move.

The question made me think. What would my advice be? As a child I moved many times in Africa, I

photo by Kelly Morguefiles

wonder how my parents prepared us, there were four of us, I have two brothers and a sister. These days there are so many more resources, we have books, the internet, social media to seek advice. I do think this is a great question because I firmly believe parents can help and prepare their children for an international move.

My 10 tips would be:

1. Acknowledge your child's emotions. Give her permission to feel sad about the move and about saying goodbye. Give her permission to identify and express her emotions. You can help her by saying "I see that you are sad about leaving your friends". If you want to read more on this topic the Centre on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning have practical suggestions here in this download Teaching Your Child To: Identify and Express Emotions.
2. Watch the Disney movie "Inside Out" together. The girl named Riley makes a move too and finds it tough. Watch it together and take time to talk about it. The movie is all about emotions.
3. Make the move an adventure. When the moving boxes arrive let her paint one or decorate it by using stickers, glue, paint, and pretty pictures. She can even decorate the box with a friend (you then include her friends in the process, so they can get used to the idea that she will move).
4. As part of the adventure search for information about the city and country you will move to. Show photos or a youtube film. If possible make a preliminary visit to the new country. Be careful not to raise the expectations too high.
5. Let her help pack the boxes. Let her help you sort out which toys she will take along. Let her put her most important toys in the decorated moving box. By letting her make choices you give her some control in a time that many things are "out of her control". You are giving her some influence in this situation.
6. Maintain stability. In the crazy time before, during and after the move try to stick to family routines. For a child this means that even though many things are changing there are still constants in her life and that can give a child stability and a sense of security.
7. Make a countdown calendar together to help vizualize how many nights until the move. Suggestions for a creative and fun countdown calendar can be found here. The concept of time, and knowing when the move will take place can be difficult for children. A countdown calendar can help your child understand how many "sleeps" until the move.
8. Help your child say her good-byes. David Pollock and Ruth van Reken talk about it in their book "Third Culture Kids, Growing up Among Worlds". They mention the need for saying good-bye to people, places, pets and possessions. Plan a farewell party for her friends, make the invitations together. Visit special places as a family. Ask her what she would like to do one last last time. Eat and ice cream in the favourite ice cream parlour or swim in a certain swimming pool. Make photos of these last visits. If there is a pet will the pet come along or will someone care for the pet? Maybe possessions will be let behind. Help her accept that some possessions will remain behind, maybe you will give some things to other people, involve your daughter in the process. You could give her a small treasure box in which she can put special treasures, it could be a small stone from you garden or something else special.
9. Consider buying her a copy of the book My Moving Booklet by Valerie Besanceney. The booklet has been designed to help children through the initial stages of an upcoming move.
10. Make a small photo album specially for her with photos of the friends she will leave behind, of the farewell party, of the special places, of house you lived in and lots more. This photo book can be a tool she can use to show and tell others where she used to live.

If you don't have enough time to make a calendar, make invitations for a farewell party, make the photo album then get other people involved in your move. Your friends probably want to help you, try to delegate something. Ask another mum to help you, she will probably feel privileged!\

There are many more things parents do to help their kids, I would love to hear your suggestions. Please share them here. Thank you so much.

Related Posts:

• Providing children with tools to tell their story
• The book: Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child by Julia Simens
• My 10 advantages of growing up overseas
• Grandparenting over the seas by Libby Stephens

My 10 disadvantages of growing up in another culture

Photo by Anita Patterson Morgue file

The last post was My 10 advantages of growing up in another culture. This week it is about the disadvantages of growing up in another culture. I do think the advantages definitely outweigh the disadvantages but the are real challenges when you grow up cross-culturally and when you relocate as a child many times, like my family did when I was growing up. In this blog post you can read how many times I moved as a child. Here are my tips when moving with kids.

So here are my 10 disadvantages:

1. Having had to move often.
2. Saying "good-bye" many times. I remember my parents used to tell friends and family that they preferred everyone to say "hello" to us and welcome us back to Holland at Schiphol international airport than that they would wave us goodbye. Maybe they found saying "good-bye" difficult too?
3. Being far away from family and friends. I found this great blog post by Libby Stephens Grandparenting over the seas. Some good advice, worth reading. I grew in the age before email and skype. Communicating is a lot easier these days.
4. Not knowing where "home" is.
5. Not knowing the geography of my passport country. I never had geography of the Netherlands. When I had geography in Zimbabwe it was mainly "African" geography.
6. Not knowing certain popular TV shows, songs etc.
7. Having a kind of restlessness. I need new challenges and changes. I even find it difficult spend time at home during a holiday period.
8. Preferring not to change my email address or telephone number if it is not absolutely necessary. In this I prefer to keep the same email address for ever if possible.Making it easier to stay in contact with old acquaintances?
9. I have some language difficulty (with Dutch), I attended international and local schools, this was all in English. We had some extra Dutch lessons but I don't feel very confident in writing Dutch.
10. Not knowing all the Dutch sayings.

On the internet I came across The 10 Lifestyle habits of third culture kids. It gives insight into the life lived by third culture kids and the kind of baggage you are left with as a result of you experiences.

"Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven."  ~Tryon Edwards

I don't think the list of disadvantages is complete but for now it is fine like this. What disadvantages do you experience or did you experience?

Related posts:

• The downside of growing up overseas as a third culture kid
• Neither Here nor There...Where do I belong?
• Cultural identity confusion and the third culture kid
• Third culture kids learning to be themselves

Twitter update week 34: news of children growing up in other cultures

Image thanks to Emk Morgue File

This is what I twittered about this week. I hope the links lead you to information you are looking for.

STUDY: Learning A Second Language Boosts Toddlers' Brain Function
http://j.mp/o8GWkk

How do you keep your cultural heritage alive? http://tinyurl.com/3rktmuq

Are you saying goodbye to family & friends? Expat life is fully of goodbyes
http://bit.ly/n4hCCj

Interesting perspective on the TCK/ATCK/TCA labels. 
http://bit.ly/rfuJgK

New Post Julia Simens - Why TCK's find it hard to go home . . ..  
http://bit.ly/mUJnoo 

Bullying: when it happens, why it happens, what parents need to know.
http://ow.ly/67W3P

You want to read the universal declaration of human rights in over 300 #languages? You can even hear some http://bit.ly/oc5jQt

Following on with the homesickness theme today – an interesting article -
http://tgr.ph/oxpvwx

@heyitsjohnnyc "Excuse me sir, you are not who you say you are"
wp.me/pVZuH-jz

Check out the new blog post - That new school term...
http://bit.ly/qQ0Pti

TCK and career @Denizenmag Story of how Emily quit job became a great sales person, relates quickly&makes friends #TCKs http://bit.ly/pkvUB4

@CNNGo is looking for stories about the best and worst of living abroad. For more information:
http://ow.ly/62jEW. 

Check out our #Top10 #Dutch #Universities for #InternationalStudents series of articles 
http://bit.ly/nE5S4x

Whitni Thomas wrote this poem in '91 describes torn loyalties of Third Culture Kids
http://ow.ly/67A3i

How to give your child a multicultural education
http://bit.ly/r0pzDj

Go to a UK university? I'd rather #study #abroad -
http://tgr.ph/nL4AWh

TCK Nicole Boyce shares her experiences living in the UK, Hong Kong and New Zealand
http://ow.ly/6cIWi

A TCK wrote a post: understanding me: #TCKs list of characteristics&you know you're a TCK when.. http://bit.ly/qEx3U7

Read what #TCK high schooler Charlotte Day has to say about her displaced life:
http://wp.me/p11cxT-1gU

New Blog: #Relocation: Comparing conflicting constitutional rights of parents
http://bit.ly/p8T3wS

Reverse Culture Shock - USA Over Consumerism http://su.pr/3iarBp

Feel welcome to add your news or links in the comment section. I heard that there were some problems when adding comments, I have solved these problems. So hopefully it is easier you to add your comments. Thanks.