Starting a Third Culture Kid Society at University

In my last post I let you know that I was preparing for the Families in Global Transition Conference (FIGT). Well the conference has taken place in Amsterdam. It was the first time ever that the conference took place in Europe. How exciting! By the way the FIGT conference will take place in the Netherlands again in 2017, maybe you can join us?

There is so much I could say about the conference but I just want to start by telling you about a session I 

attended in which two university students told us how and why they started a third culture kids society at Bristol university. We had the privilege of having both co-presidents Dalia Abuyasin and Anna Skoulikari from the Third Culture Kid Society of Bristol University tell their story.

On the TCK society Facebook page they start with a definition of a third culture kid: A Third Culture Kid is defined as 'a young person who has spent a significant amount of time in their developmental years outside of their family's country of origin'. Often people that identify as third culture kids reply to the question "where are you from?" with "it's complicated". 

The TCK social society is a place to meet, connect and share unforgettable experiences with others. It is a place that is open to anyone and everyone interested in spending time in an international environment. You do not have to a third culture kid to join the society. The society was started by Dalia and Anna. They had no idea how many others students would be interested or had lived abroad for a certain amount of time. Now there is a thriving TCK society in Bristol. They even had short videos so we could hear from them members what it was like to transition to university.

It is even more interesting to hear the members tell about what the third culture kid society has meant to them. They did not need to explain things. It felt so familiar. It felt like "home". This is a short video of about 3 minutes. Listen to what the students say:

Dalia and Anna explained to us that they want to encourage other students to start TCK societies at their universities. They want to develop a toolbox to help you and make it even easier to start a group too. It would be really great if they manage to develop a toolbox.

As you might know I transitioned from Zimbabwe to the Netherlands when I was 19 to go to university. It was a very difficult transition. On the MaDonna's Raising TCKs blog I wrote about leaving the African "nest". I hope third culture kids these days have easier transitions to university or college! As you can understand this is a topic I am really interested in. A while ago I wrote a post on 10 tips to transition well to university (specially for TCKs and their parents). I wish there had been a TCK society like this one at the university I went to years ago, it would have made my transition easier.

Did you transition globally to university or college? What was it like? Do you know of other universities with groups specially for third culture kids? Please share them here. By the way I just discovered that the University of Leeds is international and have a third culture kids society.

Related Posts:

• Help another third culture kid is going to university
• Third Culture kids going to university
• University counselors be curious about their upbringing
• The book: A Global Nomad's Guide to university transition by Tina Quick
• 10 Things every global nomad needs to know before leaving for university (international family transitions)

Is There a Difference Between Adults and Kids Living Abroad?

Someone wrote to me this week that there is no difference between adults and children living abroad in different cultures. I am sorry but I cannot agree with this statement because it just is not true. There are many things that are the same:

1. Both adults and children can experience a culture shock on transitioning to a new country.
2. Both can struggle to learn the new language. Usually the kids win this one!
3. Both need to discover what the rules and customs are in a country. The kids usually adapt quicker than the adults.

Madurodam, in the Netherlands

The difference is that the adults have formed their identity before moving to the new country. The child is still is still in the process of forming his or her identity. So the key word here is: identity. In my latest post I wrote about identity. Culture is linked to identity. Once you do know how a culture works it gives us a sense of belonging, identity and confidence. The problem with third culture kids is that they might think they know the culture and then suddenly they move to a new country and the culture is different. Our family, our community and the place we live in serve as mirrors to us. A child forms their own identity by using these mirrors. When the mirrors change the identity formation is much more of a challenge. This is the crucial difference between adults and children living and moving abroad.

I believe there are things that parents can do to help kids form their identity and to help third culture kids feel less of a victim of their circumstances. In the end no one grows up in perfect conditions. Maybe I will write about this in the future.

10 Things parents can do to help their children form their identity and thrive while growing up abroad:

1. Regularly return to the passport country, for me that was the Netherlands.
2. If possible return to the same place for a period of time in the passport country. We usually spent part of our leave on the family farm in Friesland, in the north of the Netherlands. It helps kids bond with that place. Julia Munroe Martin writes about where she spent her summer vacations. "I had no place to call home. The closest I ever felt to home was with my grandmother at her house in Poland, Ohio, on the banks of Yellow Creek."
3. Tell stories about your heritage. Tell stories about the grandparents. Research shows that children who know more about their family background are more resilient. Here's an article about it in the New York Times.
4. Teach children their mother tongue. Speak it to them and encourage them to speak it. There is an interesting link between language and identity!
5. Help the children to be in contact with their family abroad. Here are some great suggestions by Libby Stephens on grandparenting over the seas.
6. Have your own family traditions. Develop your own way of celebrating birthdays or special days. While I grew up in Africa we celebrated Sinterklaas every year.
7. Encourage children to have a treasure box, with special small items from the countries they have lived in.
8. Help children say goodbye well when they leave a country, so that they can start anew in a healthy way.
9. Help children when they transition back to their passport country. If possible let them have their own debriefing*. The transition back is very challenging.
10. If children are transitioning back for college or university you can consider getting a mentor to mentor them during the transition period. There is a new mentoring program for expat teens done by Sea Change Mentoring.

Do you have any suggestions how we can help our kids? Do you agree that there is a difference between adults and children living and moving abroad?

* Debriefing is telling our story, complete with experiences and feelings, from our point of view. It is a verbal processing of past events. Debriefing includes both facts and emotional responses, and invites feedback.

Related posts:
Third culture kids self-identity books
Sharing our Roots Interview (on Life with a Double Buggy)
Learning to Grieve well (on Communicating across Boundaries)
The discomfort of re-entry back home (on Sara Taber's blog)

How do transitions effect children?

Recently the The American Foreign Service Association (AFSA) had a panel discussion about third culture kids and their experiences. You can watch the film, it is nearly one and a half hours full of good information. The members of the panel all have many years of experience working with Third culture kids. One of the members of the panel is International educator and adult third culture kid (ATCK), Rebecca Oden, M.Ed,  who has been a teacher and a coordinator providing academic and emotional/social support for transitioning families and students.  Her master’s thesis and research focused on transition and its consequent effect on the identity of TCKs in the international school setting.

I want to share something with you that Rebecca Oden said at the start of the panel discussion. I share these words with you because I believe they are true. According to Rebecca here are:

4 very important variables that influence the life of a third culture kid (or internationally mobile child):

1. The developmental age of the child. There are different challenges and different issues at different ages. It's a little easier when children are younger, for example parents can arrange a play date and within moments of meeting each others toddlers can be playing together. The issues change depending on the developmental age. A child of 12 years old will not be charmed when mum arranges a play date but parents can facilitate the social interactions at that age.
2. The number of transitions a child has faced. Parents often think: well they did fine the last move so all will be well this time. There are all kinds of reasons why this time the transition is more difficult. It could be connected with the developmental age. It could be transition fatigue, tried of all the change, the multiple loss of status, starting over time and time again. The fragmented identities that need to be put together time and time again.
3. The family wellness. How is your family culture? Are you as parents doing well? Is this transition more difficult for one of the parents too?
4. School choice.  Is it a school that is knowledgeable about these kind of issues? Does it have a program to address these issues?

I can not really remember how I experienced each transition in my youth. In Malawi I went to international schools but in Zimbabwe I attended good local schools. I have good memories at all of these schools. An international school is not automatically the best choice. What's your experience? Do you identify with these 4 variables?

 Related posts:

• Third culture kids going to university 
• The downside of growing up overseas as a third culture kid
• Neither here nor there...where do I belong?
• Children of the world: where are your roots?

Twitter update week 43: All about kids growing up in other cultures

9 Great tips @MultiLingLiving Baby steps to biliteracy http://bit.ly/sFb7aw
start when the baby's in the womb

Thanks for the mention by @ExpatInfodesk "10 more tweeters all expats should follow"
http://bit.ly/sgWbYU

Dutch third culture kid celebrating halloween in Beirut http://bit.ly/shcLmi all about growing up globally!

I was on the great wall, sorry to have missed out on the toboggan! Sounds like fun read @InteractivExpat http://bit.ly/vxsVJ3

Orchids, I love tropical flowers.

“Learning a 2nd language: I know my children will be thankful later on” http://bit.ly/uuaWbM  

Freshaliciously- Sunshine Soup by Jo Parfitt is the perfect book to read if you are an expat. Loved it!
http://wp.me/p1g9kZ-dc

Read this @MoveOneInc Children of expats may gain valuable advantage in global workforce arena
http://bit.ly/tc7iET 

"Preparing Your Global Nomad for Transition to University" by @tinaquick http://bit.ly/tFypQu

RT @Libby_Stephens TCKs would you describe yourselves as rootless? Look forward to your thoughts on http://tinyurl.com/44tys2b

Informative post: A Guide to relating with third culture kids, written by a TCK: http://bit.ly/sxiQR4

An unexpected culture shock on returning home (China) from overseas. Third culture kid Elizabeth tells her story http://bit.ly/nUoHxj

Wish I could attend @Xpatathens 3 nov'11 20 pm free lecture on Third Culture People A New Cultural Reality http://bit.ly/pMGJZg in Athens

Interested in how a guidance counselor at an international school in China explains what third culture kids are? http://bit.ly/qDl6te 

Have you heard of the new book for third culture kids? Slurping Soup & other Confusions http://bit.ly/qZTRVO

Interesting article @denizenmag The right to vote in the place you live...complicated!
http://bit.ly/mTTTjL 

Wisten jullie dat Mauro ook een third culture kid is? Net als ik, lees meer over TCKs
http://bit.ly/sKowBo Wat zijn dat?

Leuk stukje over third culture kids @MyHeritageNL http://bit.ly/t8XViN Ken je Jutta König? Weet je wat TCKs zijn? Wereldburgers?

For more links see my twitter update week 38 all about kids growing up globally. Do you have any interesting links on this topic? Please let me know.

Reverse Culture Shock and Third Culture Kids

I found this video on a blog post on the website Abroad Effect. The website is about "Going Abroad. Coming Home changed". So it's all about culture shock.

Click on the link and watch this short video called "A Meditation on Reverse Culture Shock" by Smitha Prasadh: It's really worth watching. I was impressed. She choose this topic because she had just experienced it after living in Japan for 2 years and she was doing her thesis on this topic.

I'm still wondering whether third culture kids who have always lived outside of their passport country can experience a reverse culture shock too on going (back) to their passport country. Would you call it a culture shock or do you call it a reverse culture shock? Tina Quick calls it "transition shock". Well I certainly had a "transition shock" coming from Zimbabwe going to the Netherlands to study at 19 years of age.

On the website International Family Transitions you can read more about culture shock and what it is.

What will the culture shock be like in the country we are going to?

Read my Dutch posts on this subject:

• Cultuurschok
• Cultuurschok vervolg
• Cultuurschok vervolg II

Christy Childers, a third culture kid (TCK) has just recently moved to England and on her blog she has started a series of posts on 31 days of culture shock. So even we third culture kids can still experience culture shock!

What's your experience with culture shock or with reverse culture shock? Do you have advice for people experiencing culture shock? Please share it.

Twitter update week 38: news about kids growing up globally

Sorry to have become a little slack about writing my twitter updates. I posted a comment on an interesting blog Expat with Kids. She wrote a post about third culture kids and she has several posts on this topic. She gave me a compliment for my twitter update which made me feel I must write a new update.

Autumn started today on this side of the globe

This is what I twittered about recently. I hope the links lead you to information you are looking for. By the way autumn started today on this side of the globe.

InterNationsorg Are you a third culture kid? Do you agree with the term? Read blog for some thoughts: http://bit.ly/nyqyg4

Infographic of the modern third culture kid: http://bit.ly/qyBUva via @denizenmag interesting! Home? = complicated 

Great article @denizenmag Sharing TCK experience thro' design http://bit.ly/ghJ1P6 Nice information package on TCKs international project?

6 Positive strategies to make a teenage repatriation less traumatic:
http://bit.ly/nQOWxx any advice?

Heard of the @tckbookproject? visit site http://bit.ly/c7fNcn and click on "news" to read an interview by South China Morning Post 

@heyitsjohnnyc Culture shock: 24/7 or never again? bit.ly/q5QCm4  

Social media: What parents should know ow.ly/6q5m5 important for TCKs

Post by WifeinaSuitcase English as She is Spoke* bit.ly/os4kgw Is it "rubbish" or "garbage"?

TCK @childerschristy How to Cope with Change: my top 5 tips
http://bit.ly/pWXEOy 

@mdmaurer Are you global minded? How about your kids? What are you doing about it? http://bit.ly/obMncT

Love the suggestions in this blog post! Responsible global citizenship builds bridges http://ow.ly/6tYHt 

5 things to look for in your college hunt, part of our #college guide for #TCKs: http://ow.ly/6oeuF.

@membercaremedia What kind of stressors affect our TCK kids during times of transition? dld.bz/Sqzu 

Have you heard this? 101 pianos set up in Tilburg - play me, I'm yours!! http://bit.ly/ocYRu8

Nederlandse kinderen in het #buitenland in #schooluniform: artikel bij @RNW http://bit.ly/naGGJ0 wat vindt jij ervan?

If you would like to read more twitter updates about children growing up in other cultures:

• week 34
• week 33
• week 32 (at the time of writing this is my 3rd most read post on this blog, must be interesting..)
• week 31

 Please add your news or links. It's all about children growing up in other cultures. Thanks.