I'm not a tourist but I 'm not really Dutch either...

With a suitcase, a really full bag, my viola with a tennis racket strapped onto it I board the plane. Alone. Depature was from Harare, Zimbabwe and the destination Schiphol international airport. Arrival time a fresh morning in May. Blond, blue eyes, nineteen years old, the start of an adventure called: going to university in Holland. Was I an international student? Was I Dutch?

One thing was certain even though I spoke Dutch I did not really understand the Dutch. I thought I knew what I should know. I thought I would be able to understand the ways of the Dutch. What a major culture shock! The wierd thing was that I had not expected a culture shock at all. In the meantime I have survived and started to thrive here so I have some advice for you.

10 tips to survive and thrive in the Netherlands:

1. Buy a bicycle. It's an easy way to integrate, do as the Dutch do. If you are sensible you will buy some

   

   At Keukenhof by DrieCulturen 

   good "fietstassen" (bicycle bags) too. Mine are one of the best investments I have ever made. They have served me so well I could write a whole post just about my "fietstassen".
2. If you are serious about learning Dutch get a button "Spreek Nederlands! met mij!" and pin it on your jacket. Otherwise people start speaking English to you when they hear your accent or hear you struggling to speak Dutch.
3. Buy a museumkaart which gives you free entry to nearly 400 museums all over the country. To give you an idea there are more than 30 museums in Amsterdam which you can visit with the card.
4. If you have a garden plant some tulip bulbs, it will make spring even more exciting. You can plant them now between September and December. I mean it is the country of the tulips so why not let them flower in your garden.
5. Make sure you know how to flush the toilet. There are many different kind of toilets here. Sometimes you need to push a button or pull on a chain. There are even bloggers that write about the toilet here: everything you never wanted to know about Dutch toilets.
6. When going to a Dutch birthday party remember to congratulate all the family members too, it's what you do here.
7. If you want to start a conversation while waiting in a queue just start talking about the weather. In the beginning I was irritated about the fact that everyone complained about the weather and was always talking about the weather but it is just a way to start a conversation. What a revelation!  
8. Start cycling just for fun. There are nearly 35 thousand kilometres of cycle paths in our country. It is the cyclist friendliest country in the world. Discover the cycling culture! Even the BBC wonders why cycling is so popular in the Netherlands? Do you need suggestions for your cycling adventure? If so check this website Nederland Fietsland. 
9. Taste the local food like stroopwafels, drop (liquorish) and herring. Did you that herring is the thing the Dutch miss most when they live abroad?
10. Make a local friend and spend time together.

Now back to the question about where I'm from. The answer is a complicated one. I am not a tourist but I am not really Dutch either. I was born and bred in Africa but I have a Dutch passport. When I came to my "passport country" I suffered from a culture shock. I now know I was a hidden immigrant at the time. I looked very Dutch but I thought differently. My identity had been formed by all the years I had lived in Africa. Even though I spoke Dutch at home I did not know the sayings and the slang words. I easily connect with expats and internationally minded people, actually I love being in an environment with people from different nationalities. Years ago I discovered that I was a "third culture kid". That discovery helped me understand my confusion. It gave words to my feelings. I am a member of the "third culture kid" tribe. Actually I am a global citizen living in the Netherlands at the moment. In Dutch we would say "een wereldburger".

Just in case you have never heard of the term "third culture kids" it refers to a person who has spent a

At Madurodam by DrieCulturen

significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture, like I did. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any.

Moving to the Netherlands years ago was the start of my new adventure. I hope you meet as many interesting people as I have here, I hope you become addicted to cycling like I did. I hope you not only survive but thrive in the land of the clogs and tulips. Do you have any survive and thrive tips? Please share them here.

If you enjoy this blog would you take a couple of minutes and vote for my blog in the I'm not a tourist expat blog competition. Voting closes 30 October 2013. So time is short. Thank you for your support.

Re-entry into your passport culture

I just listened to an online program by MemberCareRadio and I was impressed. I discovered that there is lots to listen to about the process of re-entry. I listened to Marion Knell being interviewed on the subject of third culture kids and re-entry into their passport culture. Marion is author of the book "Families on the Move - growing up overseas and loving it". More recently she wrote the book "Burn up or Splash down: Surviving the Culture Shock of Re-entry". What I heard makes me want to buy both books.

You probably know that I was a third culture kid entering into the Netherlands after having been born and bred in Africa. You can read more of my story here. I actually only just survived the culture shock at the time. It certainly was an emotional roller coaster, but the worst part of it all was that I did not know what was wrong with me. Apparently it helps to have access to some information before returning to your passport culture. This can be through a debriefing, from books or by talking to people who have gone that path before. Looking back I had none of these. No debriefing, no books on the subject and nobody I knew who had gone the path before me. Sometimes we third culture kids wander down lonely roads.

Marion Knell gives third culture kids 4 tips to process their emotions when re-entering (or entering your passport culture). The 4 "P"s:

1. Permission to express your feelings
2. Permission to feel pain
3. Pathways to say goodbye, saying good "goodbyes"
4. People to share your experiences with, people who are interested in your stories.

I remember that I had one friend during my university days who was really interested in hearing my stories. She asked many questions. Where did you live? What kind of house did you live in? What was your school like? What did you do in your free time? We spent hours talking while we went cycling, walking on the beach or just while drinking a cup of tea at home. During our conversations we traveled the globe. We walked down memory lane. It was heart warming.

I hope you meet people interested in your stories. Remember not everyone is interested in your stories, but that does not matter. Just don't give up telling them but find somebody who wants to listen. Joining an international students society can help because there the chances are greater that you meet others whom you can relate to and who have stories like yours. Do you have any suggestions that can help third culture kids when returning to their passport culture? Please share them.

Related posts:

• Reverse Culture Shock and third culture kids  
• Third culture kids going to university 
• Children of the world, where are your roots?
• Teenagers: the sky is the limit?

Reverse Culture Shock and Third Culture Kids

I found this video on a blog post on the website Abroad Effect. The website is about "Going Abroad. Coming Home changed". So it's all about culture shock.

Click on the link and watch this short video called "A Meditation on Reverse Culture Shock" by Smitha Prasadh: It's really worth watching. I was impressed. She choose this topic because she had just experienced it after living in Japan for 2 years and she was doing her thesis on this topic.

I'm still wondering whether third culture kids who have always lived outside of their passport country can experience a reverse culture shock too on going (back) to their passport country. Would you call it a culture shock or do you call it a reverse culture shock? Tina Quick calls it "transition shock". Well I certainly had a "transition shock" coming from Zimbabwe going to the Netherlands to study at 19 years of age.

On the website International Family Transitions you can read more about culture shock and what it is.

What will the culture shock be like in the country we are going to?

Read my Dutch posts on this subject:

• Cultuurschok
• Cultuurschok vervolg
• Cultuurschok vervolg II

Christy Childers, a third culture kid (TCK) has just recently moved to England and on her blog she has started a series of posts on 31 days of culture shock. So even we third culture kids can still experience culture shock!

What's your experience with culture shock or with reverse culture shock? Do you have advice for people experiencing culture shock? Please share it.

Na regen komt zonneschijn, de cultuurschok storm

De afgelopen 5 weken is het mij gelukt om dagelijks een bericht te plaatsen. Het leek mij een goed idee om op deze manier een goede start te maken. Nou heb ik gister op de blog van Demian Farnworth gelezen dat kwaliteit beter is dan kwantiteit dus vanaf vandaag zal ik minder frequent een bericht plaatsen. Mijn streven is om het minimaal drie keer per week te doen. DrieCulturen publiceerd drie keer per week, nou dat klinkt al goed.

Ik wil je natuurlijk niet met lege handen naar huis laten gaan. Ik kwam recent een goed Engelstalig artikel van Dorota Klop-Sowinska tegen, zij is gediplomeerd Coach / Counselor van de Nederlandse Academie voor Psychotherapie. Zij beschrijft wat een cultuurschok is en zij geeft ook adviezen hoe je er mee om kunt gaan. Dorota Klop-Sowinska komt uit Polen en woont nu ruim 6 jaar in Nederland. Meer informatie is te vinden op de site van DoSo! Coaching & Counseling. 

Zelf heb ik recent drie keer over cultuurschok geschreven: cultuurschok vervolg I dit ging over de rol van taal, en de laatste cultuurschok vervolg II.

Als laatste een foto van een meertje in Noord Sulawesi. Ik vind het wel een toepasselijke foto zo in de zomer periode (vakantie). Ook voor een ieder die zich in de roerige tijden van een cultuurschok bevind, er kan weer een periode van rust aan breken, opeens is de storm over. Na regen komt zonneschijn.

  

Er is een Engels versje nog uit mijn jeugd waar ik veel aan heb gehad:

"Life is a mixture 

of sunshine and rain,

Teardrops and laughter,

Pleasure and pain,

We can't have all bright days

but it is certainly true

There was never a cloud the sun did not shine through!"