What do you say to your Third Culture Kids?

A while ago I read a piece written by Rachel Pieh Jones and I just knew that I wanted to share it with you. Rachel lives in Djibouti and has raised her children there. I really like the very honest article she wrote: 15 things I want to tell my third culture kids. At the time her children were about to leave to boarding school, they have now left to university.

The quotes that struck me were "I cry for the choices we've made. And then I defend them with passion". 

The other quote that impressed me was: "I am sorry for the things life has taken from you. The names of all the friends you have said good-bye to are branded in my mind". 

Rachel realizes that she knows what it is like to parent TCKs but she has no idea what it is like to grow up abroad. As you probably know, I grew up abroad and I love the way Rachel tries to understand what it is like for her children and for other kids. A few years ago she hosted a whole guest post series on her blog on third culture kids. She has now made a compilation of these essays, updated the information, added interviews and practical tips and has made it into an ebook.Finding Home. I was privileged to contribute to the series too. I wrote on transitioning globally to university. Many different authors contributed to the ebook: Ruth van Reken, Marilyn Gardner, Mary Bassey, Ma Donna Maurer, Clara Wiggins and Ute Limacher just to name a few.

One of the 5 star reviews said:
"This collection of essays was both relatable and eye opening. As a third culture kid, there was a lot for me to learn and think about after reading each essay. Highly recommended if you want to better understand people who don’t belong in one culture, or if you don’t!"

I would really like to hear what you could say to your third culture kids. One of the things my parents said was that we should dare to be different. Well growing up in Africa I was different, with my blue eyes and blond hair. I actually found it difficult when I was the same as all the other children. I was twelve years old and as a family we spent a couple of months in The Netherlands. I went to form one, but it was a shock to discover that there were three other girls in my class with the same name as I have. I was used to "Janneke" being a really special name, often people had difficulty pronouncing my name. But in the Netherlands "Janneke" is a very common name, especially at that time. There is even a book named Jip and Janneke, Two Kids From Holland. So at the time I had to adjust to the fact that my name was not special at all and even though I looked like the other Dutch girls I was actually different due to growing up in Africa.

What do you say to your third culture kids? 

Related posts:

• My 10 Tips to Prepare your child for an International Move
• 5 Things you Need to Know When Moving Kids Abroad by Lois Bushing
• Grandparenting over the Seas by Libby Stephens

PS. Have you heard that the next Families in Global Transition Conference in 2019 will take place in Thailand? From April 26 - 28.

Q & A with Tanya Crossman author of the book "Misunderstood" The Impact of Growing Up Overseas in the 21st Century

As you probably know I love books and especially on the topic of growing up abroad. I am pleased to announce that a new book on the topic is about to be released and the author Tanya Crossman has agreed to answer some questions specially for you. Thank you Tanya! By the way if you want to know what children or young people say about growing up abroad then you have to read this book. Now over to Tanya.

1. Please tell us about your book “Misunderstood”. Tell us about how you were inspired to write the book?                                                                                                                                   I spent a decade mentoring TCKs (third culture kids), listening to them and learning how they
   
   felt about life. Parents began to ask my advice, and I saw lightbulb moments as they saw their children's situation in a new light. When asked for resources I pointed to lots of great books, but couldn't find anything that did what I did – stand in the gap, and explain the TCK perspective. That is what Misunderstood does: explain how international life affects a child, often in their own words (I interviewed nearly 300 TCKs for the book, plus conducted a survey of 750 TCKs). Misunderstood shows TCKs they are not alone, and helps those who care about them provide more support and understanding.
2. What is the most important message you have for parents of TCKs? What would you like to say to every TCK?
   Being a TCK isn't a bad thing!! Over 80% of the TCKs I surveyed for Misunderstood were glad for their experience, and only 2% would take it back if they could. But TCKs do have a different experience of the world to their parents, and understanding that experience is essential for supporting TCKs well. 
3. Many people want to write a book someday, but you did it! What was the key to success?
   The key to my success has been other people! Wise people I listened to, leading me in directions I would not have gone alone. A mentor read my first attempt and told me I could do much better – that I needed to put my passion in it. A close friend approached me about having my book published professionally, and did the work to make that happen. Then the team at Summertime Publishing helped make Misunderstood better.  
4. What's your advice for other TCKs or anyone wanting to write a book?
   Know why you want to write – what do you care about, and why does it matter? What gap exists that you want to fill? Find anything similar out there, read it well and work out if you have something new and different to say. Secondly, benefit from the experience of others. Cultivate relationships with people who challenge you with wise advice – then listen to them, even when it's hard. 
5. In which countries did you live as a child and what age were you at the time?
   I grew up in my passport country (Australia) but also lived in the US from age 13-15, with my parents and my two younger sisters. As an adult I lived in China for over ten years and also spent a lot of time in Cambodia.
6. What was the reason that you were living abroad? If it was work, what kind of work did your parents do?
   My father worked for a multinational technology company. When he was assigned to work in the US for two years, our whole family went along. We lived immersed in the local life (local schools, etc.) but we all found a cross-cultural friend or two. 
7. What did you most like about living abroad as a young person?
   I enjoyed engaging with a new physical environment. The houses, food, trees, birds, animals, and seasons were all different. I hoarded new sensory experiences – the crunch under my feet walking across our frozen yard in winter, the soft twilight in summer, the bouncing tails of squirrels – and filled myself up with them. 
8. What was most difficult?
   Learning new cultural norms (especially when people didn't think of me as coming from a different culture) was really hard. Simply existing outside my house was tiring! I didn't have words to express the difficulties I experienced, so I had an unhelpful tendency to blame my frustrations on the entire country. It took me years to unravel my feelings. Now I'm very thankful for my time in the US, even though it was hard.
9. How did living abroad influence your choice of career or study?
   I think it showed me there's a whole world of opportunity out there, and not to limit myself to what is “normal” in Australia. 
10. Which languages do you speak? Do you have advice on learning languages for families living abroad  now?
    English is my native language, and I am fluent in Mandarin Chinese. I've forgotten most of the other 10 languages I've studied, but I have basic survival skills in Khmer, Thai, and Indonesian. My biggest piece of advice is to embrace your ignorance – give it a go knowing it won't be perfect, and be humble about your lack of perfection. Another thing that helped me was watching and listening to native speakers doing life – by copying them I picked up the language as it's actually used, rather than stiffly repeating what I'd read in textbooks.
11. When and where did you first hear of the term “Third Culture Kid” (TCK)? How did you hear of it and in which way did it help you?
    When I first started working with TCKs I didn't know that there was such a thing as a TCK! I quickly realised there was something different about these kids due to their unique situations, but it was still two or three years before I started reading literature on the topic. David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken's classic “Growing up among worlds” was eye-opening. What really struck me was the section on repatriation – I kept thinking “that's me!” For the first time I realised my time in the US was a TCK experience. It helped me understand why it had been so hard to “go home”. 
12. How was it to return to your “home country” (passport country)?
    HARD. Both times. When I left the US at age 15 I was excited to “go home and be normal”. I was stunned to discover that although in the US I stood out as Australian, to Australians I sounded American. It was quite a letdown. It took less than a year to re-acclimatise but it was still a significant experience. When I moved to Australia 18 months ago after 11 years in Asia as an adult, I was more prepared for what repatriation might be like, and blogging about the process was really helpful for me. The funny thing is that this time I found it comforting when people thought my accent didn't quite sound Australian! 
13. With which countries do you feel a bond? Where's home?
    Ah, always a tricky question! I am definitely Australian – it 's an important part of my identity – but Australia doesn't really feel like “home” anymore. Beijing feels like home – but I have no family there and no legal right to be there, so I don't feel like I'm “allowed” to call it home. I guess neither one is completely home – so the Third Culture is very important to me! 
    

Thank you once again Tanya for answering these questions but in the first place for writing the book. You can visit Tanya's website for more information. Tanya is on twitter @TanyaTCK and on Facebook at MisunderstoodTCK. You can preorder the book Misunderstood on Amazon, for more preorder options click here. We will be doing a giveaway of the book soon, so come back and check the blog for more information. What questions would you like to ask Tanya?

Related posts:

• 10 Tips to Prepare you child for an international move
• Q&A with Author Heidi Sand-Hart of the book Home Keeps Moving
• Guestblog by Libby Stephens on grandparenting Abroad

10 tips to help you prepare your child for an international move

Recently I read a post on Facebook. A mother was asking advice on how to prepare her daughter for a n upcoming move from England to the Netherlands. Her daughter is 5 years old and she had said to her mum "Please mum I don't want to leave my home and my school". I am sure her child is not the only one that does not want to move.

The question made me think. What would my advice be? As a child I moved many times in Africa, I

photo by Kelly Morguefiles

wonder how my parents prepared us, there were four of us, I have two brothers and a sister. These days there are so many more resources, we have books, the internet, social media to seek advice. I do think this is a great question because I firmly believe parents can help and prepare their children for an international move.

My 10 tips would be:

1. Acknowledge your child's emotions. Give her permission to feel sad about the move and about saying goodbye. Give her permission to identify and express her emotions. You can help her by saying "I see that you are sad about leaving your friends". If you want to read more on this topic the Centre on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning have practical suggestions here in this download Teaching Your Child To: Identify and Express Emotions.
2. Watch the Disney movie "Inside Out" together. The girl named Riley makes a move too and finds it tough. Watch it together and take time to talk about it. The movie is all about emotions.
3. Make the move an adventure. When the moving boxes arrive let her paint one or decorate it by using stickers, glue, paint, and pretty pictures. She can even decorate the box with a friend (you then include her friends in the process, so they can get used to the idea that she will move).
4. As part of the adventure search for information about the city and country you will move to. Show photos or a youtube film. If possible make a preliminary visit to the new country. Be careful not to raise the expectations too high.
5. Let her help pack the boxes. Let her help you sort out which toys she will take along. Let her put her most important toys in the decorated moving box. By letting her make choices you give her some control in a time that many things are "out of her control". You are giving her some influence in this situation.
6. Maintain stability. In the crazy time before, during and after the move try to stick to family routines. For a child this means that even though many things are changing there are still constants in her life and that can give a child stability and a sense of security.
7. Make a countdown calendar together to help vizualize how many nights until the move. Suggestions for a creative and fun countdown calendar can be found here. The concept of time, and knowing when the move will take place can be difficult for children. A countdown calendar can help your child understand how many "sleeps" until the move.
8. Help your child say her good-byes. David Pollock and Ruth van Reken talk about it in their book "Third Culture Kids, Growing up Among Worlds". They mention the need for saying good-bye to people, places, pets and possessions. Plan a farewell party for her friends, make the invitations together. Visit special places as a family. Ask her what she would like to do one last last time. Eat and ice cream in the favourite ice cream parlour or swim in a certain swimming pool. Make photos of these last visits. If there is a pet will the pet come along or will someone care for the pet? Maybe possessions will be let behind. Help her accept that some possessions will remain behind, maybe you will give some things to other people, involve your daughter in the process. You could give her a small treasure box in which she can put special treasures, it could be a small stone from you garden or something else special.
9. Consider buying her a copy of the book My Moving Booklet by Valerie Besanceney. The booklet has been designed to help children through the initial stages of an upcoming move.
10. Make a small photo album specially for her with photos of the friends she will leave behind, of the farewell party, of the special places, of house you lived in and lots more. This photo book can be a tool she can use to show and tell others where she used to live.

If you don't have enough time to make a calendar, make invitations for a farewell party, make the photo album then get other people involved in your move. Your friends probably want to help you, try to delegate something. Ask another mum to help you, she will probably feel privileged!\

There are many more things parents do to help their kids, I would love to hear your suggestions. Please share them here. Thank you so much.

Related Posts:

• Providing children with tools to tell their story
• The book: Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child by Julia Simens
• My 10 advantages of growing up overseas
• Grandparenting over the seas by Libby Stephens

Starting a Third Culture Kid Society at University

In my last post I let you know that I was preparing for the Families in Global Transition Conference (FIGT). Well the conference has taken place in Amsterdam. It was the first time ever that the conference took place in Europe. How exciting! By the way the FIGT conference will take place in the Netherlands again in 2017, maybe you can join us?

There is so much I could say about the conference but I just want to start by telling you about a session I 

attended in which two university students told us how and why they started a third culture kids society at Bristol university. We had the privilege of having both co-presidents Dalia Abuyasin and Anna Skoulikari from the Third Culture Kid Society of Bristol University tell their story.

On the TCK society Facebook page they start with a definition of a third culture kid: A Third Culture Kid is defined as 'a young person who has spent a significant amount of time in their developmental years outside of their family's country of origin'. Often people that identify as third culture kids reply to the question "where are you from?" with "it's complicated". 

The TCK social society is a place to meet, connect and share unforgettable experiences with others. It is a place that is open to anyone and everyone interested in spending time in an international environment. You do not have to a third culture kid to join the society. The society was started by Dalia and Anna. They had no idea how many others students would be interested or had lived abroad for a certain amount of time. Now there is a thriving TCK society in Bristol. They even had short videos so we could hear from them members what it was like to transition to university.

It is even more interesting to hear the members tell about what the third culture kid society has meant to them. They did not need to explain things. It felt so familiar. It felt like "home". This is a short video of about 3 minutes. Listen to what the students say:

Dalia and Anna explained to us that they want to encourage other students to start TCK societies at their universities. They want to develop a toolbox to help you and make it even easier to start a group too. It would be really great if they manage to develop a toolbox.

As you might know I transitioned from Zimbabwe to the Netherlands when I was 19 to go to university. It was a very difficult transition. On the MaDonna's Raising TCKs blog I wrote about leaving the African "nest". I hope third culture kids these days have easier transitions to university or college! As you can understand this is a topic I am really interested in. A while ago I wrote a post on 10 tips to transition well to university (specially for TCKs and their parents). I wish there had been a TCK society like this one at the university I went to years ago, it would have made my transition easier.

Did you transition globally to university or college? What was it like? Do you know of other universities with groups specially for third culture kids? Please share them here. By the way I just discovered that the University of Leeds is international and have a third culture kids society.

Related Posts:

• Help another third culture kid is going to university
• Third Culture kids going to university
• University counselors be curious about their upbringing
• The book: A Global Nomad's Guide to university transition by Tina Quick
• 10 Things every global nomad needs to know before leaving for university (international family transitions)

Providing children with tools to tell their stories

My inspiration today is an amazing post by Eric Spreng, an international school teacher at the International School of Ouagadougou (the capital of Burkina Faso). I wish there were more international school teachers like him. I wish I had teachers like him when I grew up in Africa.

He teaches to promote student voice, he provides the students with tools they need to articulate themselves and their stories, especially when these stories challenge the dominate narratives that would marginalize them. I think this is what all children need but especiallt third culture kids. They need tools to articulate themselves. They need tools to be able to tell their story in what ever environment or situation they are.

Recently I came across this quote and I believe it is so true.

"All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them" these are words by Karen Blixen, the author of the book "Out of Africa".

Third culture kids grow up often moving from country to country with their parents. It can be very exciting and adventerous but the other side of the coin is that they often have to depart and leave friends and familiar places. They often have to say goodbyes. These moments can be painful and sad. If they are equipped with tools to tell their stories it could be great help for them in life. It will make them more resilient and more able to thrive in this global world.

Not only teachers can teach kids the importance of their stories, but we as parents can teach our

Photo by DrieCulturen, taken at Schiphol

children too. Decades of research has shown that most happy families communicate effectively. It means that as a family you tell a positive story about yourselves. If you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family's positive moments and your ability to bounce back from difficult ones. Read more on this topic in the article The Stories that Bind Us.

So back to Eric Spreng's post. He says: "From the beginning of the year, I make it clear that student voice is one of our great resources, that students' diverse experiences and cultures are assests to us as a community of learners. He gives examples of students that develop their own voice, do read his post called "Why I teach: Voice, Discourse and Empathy."

Related Posts

• Will therapy be a place third culture kids find their voice?
• Where I'm from...
• Are you raising messed up kids?
• The downside of growing up as a third culture kid 

Will therapy be the place a third culture kid finds their voice?

Once again the internet has helped me find some research on third culture kids. This time it is a thesis on the subject "Third Route Kids: A New Way of Conceptualizing the Adult Third Culture Kid Experience" by Tamara Lynn Williams at the University of British Columbia (February 2013).

I want to quote part of her research. I know she writes specifically about the therapeutic setting but there are some great themes here: third culture kids as hidden immigrants, fitting in to the dominant group, silencing their voices, and not telling their stories.

"In a therapeutic setting, it may be of help to recognize your role as a therapist in restoring the voice to the TCKs in the room and to encourage them in finding places where their stories and their voices will be accepted as valuable. Being able to share their stories, even in a focus group setting, appeared to be a positive and encouraging experience for the participants, and their stories were often punctuated with laughter and recognition of a shared experience. Remembering that TCKs are often a hidden minority/non-dominant/immigrant population is important, since they may often be able to fit into the social expectations in the world around them and will often avoid talking about stories or experiences that may make others uncomfortable or that sessile individuals have difficulty relating to. As a therapist, it is important not to place people into predetermined categories based on assumptions of their culture or past. Many TCKs are able to appear to fit into a dominant group, due to the silencing they have experienced; if not given a voice in therapy, their experience may go unexplored. It is hoped that therapy will serve as a place where TCKs’ voices are heard and not another experience where TCKs are silenced."

The research included focus groups of third culture kids in which they discussed different topics. What was striking is that participants noticed that they all experienced a certain time that they felt:

1. Increased angst
2. Dissatisfaction with themselves
3. Identity confusion.

As they matured they grew out of the period of angst and identity confusion. During that time they they felt:

1. Dissatisfaction with their sense of self
2. Heightened anxiety
3. Sadness
4. Worry over whether they would ever fit in

There were periods of feeling grief, anger and sadness over their childhood experiences. The good news is that as they matured and grew out of that developmental phase they began to feel at peace and happy with their experiences.

If you grew up abroad, like I did and have experienced one or more of the feelings mentioned above then I hope you know now that you are not the only one with these feelings. It can be quite painful at the time but there is hope. A time can come when you feel at peace and can look back and kind of be happy with your experiences. I have not had help from a therapist but some times I wonder how it would have helped me. I read a lot on the topic of third culture kids. Reading and talking to others has helped me on my journey.

You might need a little help in the process, maybe a therapist can help you a little on the way. If you find a good therapist, the therapy can be a safe place where your third culture kid voice and story can be heard.

Tips to help you on your journey in becoming an adult TCK:

• Find people who will listen to your story!
• Remember you have a unique story which needs to be told. Start a blog or submit your stories for the TCK anthology, read Giving Third Culture Kids A Voice for more information.
• Sharing your story with like-minded people can be positive and encouraging.
• If in despair seek help from a good therapist.

Have you felt any of the emotions mentioned? Have you found a way to be at peace with your childhood experineces? Any tips? Did therapy give you a safe place to tell your story? I wonder. Please share your story here. By the way here's the link to Tamara Lynn William's research.

Related posts:

• The downside of growing up overseas as a third culture kid
• TCK Talent Diahann Reys in her elemant as writer, actor and storytelling coach (the Displaced Nation)
• Are you raising messed up kids?
• My 10 disadvantages of growing up abroad

Giving Third Culture Kids A Voice

Recently I had the privilege of meeting Eva László-Hertbert. I am glad she agreed to answer some questions about a great project that she is doing together with Jo Parfitt. Third culture kids this is your opportunity to be creative and to let your voice be heard. The project is called The Worlds Within TCK Anthology. The deadline for submissions has been postponed to the 30th of October 2013, so you can still send in

submissions.

These words by Eva jumped out at me:

"I am hugely excited about this project and want to shout it out to all four corners of the world:  hello, young and beautiful people, this is your moment to tell the world what it is like to be born in Dubai, have grandparents in Leicestershire, Skype with a best friend in Poland and still miss life in Argentina." 

How was the idea for the book born?

Home is where the sunflower grows

The idea for the upcoming anthology of TCK writing “ The Worlds Within “ was forged following the 2012 FIGT  – Families in Global Transition – conference in Washington DC, USA. I was invited to be the closing key note speaker and Jo was launching her book and leading workshops on writing your life story.

Founded in 1998 at the kitchen table of Ruth van Reken (co-author of Third Culture Kids–Growing Up Among Worlds), FIGT is both the mother hen and the flagship of all writing, research and publishing on TCK/ ATCK matters, connecting brilliant minds who speak and dream in many tongues all across the globe.

To me, sharing my views on identity vs nationality with 200 strangers who I had come to deeply feel connected to in less than 72 hours was a life changing event. It was for the first time ever that all the many pieces of my “weird” biography were being voiced and brought together – and no one told me off for being weird, strange, too complicated or simply unreal. These people were genuinely curious and they kept nodding – and then had equally incredible stories to share themselves. Which they did until the wee hours of the morning.

Questions that had put my life on hold for so many years – who am I, where do I really belong to, and so many more – suddenly found an answer and were put into the right context and perspective. Words fail to describe the effect this had on my outlook on myself and the many worlds I am living in… on Facebook this would translate into OMG !! WOW !! and a lot of L J.

My definition of home is: home is where you don’t need to explain yourself.

Well, in March 2012, at FIGT – please immerse yourself into www.FIGT.org -  me, myself and I arrived home. HOME! After returning to The Hague, my eureka moment and Jo’s expert and compassionate guidance led to the idea of giving other TCKs and ATCKs a voice of their own, to be compiled into an anthology of original writing.  A lot has been written about TCKs / ATCKs and related issues – we felt that the time for showcasing the practice in genuine TCK/ATCK words and art was ripe. 

Is it correct that art and writing can be submitted?

To be part of The Worlds Within: Write as much as a short story or as little as a haiku – you may use up to 2000 words; draw, paint, make a collage – whatever.

The deadline for submissions is 30 October 2013.

Submissions can be sent to TCKTheWorldsWithin@gmail.com, in Times New Roman 12 font, formatted in indented paragraphs. Artwork will be published in black and white and must be submitted in the highest possible resolution.

Authors, aged 0-27, have the explicit right to remain anonymous or submit their work using a nom-de-plume.

Minimum requirements that need to accompany submissions: a name, the age when the submitted work was created, countries the author has lived in and a three word motto, which is relevant to their life (mine, for example is: connect – contribute – celebrate). If desired, they may add any information – website, blog, email, twitter – by which their art / writing can be followed.

The texts – up to 100 – will be organized by age.

Yes, we do accept submissions of group effort – what a great idea!

For all further questions please email us TCKTheWorldsWithin@gmail.com, like us on www.facebook.com/TheWorldsWithin and – very important – keep writing!

And, last but not least: please be our ambassador. Tell your siblings, cousins, friends, colleagues and class mates about this chance to tell the world what it feels like to be the genuine, unique and complex YOU.

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Thank you Eva. I hope there will be many submissions because children who grow up in other cultures are very creative. Even adult third culture kids can send in submissions. Please spread the word around. I just love the idea of a book with works by third culture kids. What are your thoughts on this? I would love some comments. Just to let you know that I read each comment.

Related Posts:

• Guestblog: An Ode To Third Culture Kids
• TCK speaking: "I'm not from Anywhere"
• Guestpost: Who am I?
• SeaChangeMentoring Events October 2013 Den Haag (SeaChangeMentoring Website)

I am glad that another (Adult) Third Culture Kid Overcame his lifelong Identity Crisis

Once again I read an interesting article, this time on the Time Out Dubai website. The author grew up as a third culture kid but had never heard of the term until someone reacently shared about it on facebook. You see amazing things can even happen on facebook!

The author Hfu Reisenhofer explains that the question: Where are you from? Was a difficult one for him. Like it is for many of us. He writes:

"You see, for years I didn’t know who or what I am – at least officially. It sounds like an odd thing to say, but it’s the truth. If you were born in Tokyo but brought up in Hong Kong, have an Austrian passport but feel British, have a Japanese first name and a German last name but pronounce them with an English accent, the issue of where you’re from is not as straightforward as it seems."

A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture may be assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.

Like Hfu I had an international childhood. I was born in Zambia, lived in Malawi and Zimbabwe but my passport country is the Netherlands. So am I African? Am I Dutch? Am I Zimbabwean? Am I a mix? Well years ago I discovered that I'm a third culture kid too.

I really like the end of the article. He says "So, go on, ask me where I’m from. I’ve finally got the answer."

I am so glad Hfu finally found the answer! I am still concerned because like him I think there are more adults and young people out there who grew up as third culture kids but have never heard the term. Who have not experienced the relief, the validation, discovered that they are not alone in this, and that there are more individuals like them. There is still work to be done. The word has to get out. Will you help spread the word?

How can we spread the word about the term third culture kids?

1. Expat parents must teach their children.
2. Teachers at international schools must teach their pupils about it.
3. We adult third culture kids must spread the word around.

Do you have ideas how we can raise awareness? How can we get the word out? 

This is the trailer of the film "Les Passagers" I have shared it before but it is one of my favourites so I will share it again.

Book Review: Slurping Soup and other Confusions

I wish this book had been available years ago when I was a child and our family moved around in Africa. This book is full of real life stories and activities to help third culture kids during transitions. Children related very differently to international moves than adults. This book helps parents get an insight in to how children experience leaving a country and discovering a new country.

The book Slurping Soup and other Confusions has been written by 6 authors, each with their own professional background and they are all parents of third culture kids. One of the authors: Ulrike Gemmer even grew abroad in Jamaica, Somalia, Indonesia, New Zealand and Zambia.

All the children of the authors contributed  their personal stories, artwork, pictures, and ideas for activities. So it's a book by third culture kids for third culture kids!

In one of the first chapters D'Arcy (aged 8) writes "My first year in Vietman was wierd". He says "the worst part about Hanoi was the bad smell outside our house where the taxis parked". The story continues and following this story there is an activity: the Wierdometer. The child is encouraged to write down things they find wierd in the new country.

In another chapter Sophie (aged 8) writes that she did not feel safe in Jakarta, Indonesia when her parents went out and left her with the nanny. She would cry a lot every time they went out. Discover why she did not feel safe and how Sophie and her parents found a solution that made Sophie feel safe! The activity is make your own backup plan.

Hafsah (aged 6) discovered she had missed her favourite aunt's wedding. How could she? Without me? The connected activity is that a child can write down what special event they had missed. Then they can circle the emotion that best fits the feelings they had, like angry, disappointed, sad, heartbroken, confused, lonely etc.

There are many different fun activities: like making a special collage, learning to count in 15 different languages, brainstorming ideas for keeping in touch with relatives, marking on the map of the world where you live and have lived and where you still want to go. The activities are suitable for 3 to 12 year olds.

The book is a collection of 23 true stories. The stories explore:  

• adapting to new environments
• Who am I? Where do I belong?
• Home and family adjustment
• Cultural differences
• Friendship change

This a great book for expat parents to use with kids while preparing to leave, during the move and while living abroad. It is a easy tool to use to talk with your child about the changes and all the things that are different in the new country. It makes it easier for parents to talk about the feelings involved with all the changes. No matter in which country you are moving to you should take it along with you.

Slurping Soup and Other Confusions by Maryam Afnan Ahmad, Cherie Emigh, Ulrike Gemmer, Bárbara Menezes, Kathryn Tonges and Lucinda Willshire. Available on Amazon or on www.slurpingsoup.com. There is a facebook page: Slurping Soup and other confusions too. Interested in a preview of the book? You find a sample here of 4 chapters (includes stories and activities).

Have you used the book? What are your experiences? Do you know of other good books on moving abroad and useful for kids?

Related Posts:

• Jo Parfitt talks to the authors of Slurping Soup and other confusions (Jo Parfitt)
• Expat parents: What are your kids really thinking? (Expat everyday support center)
• Book review of Expat Teens Talk
• Sharing New Third Culture Kid Links

Sharing New Third Culture Kid Links

A couple of times these past few days I thought "oh that's an interesting post that I want to share with you!" So that's what I am going to do. Here comes 5 interesting links that are worth checking out:

1. A Series called Painting Pictures: Who are Third Culture Kids. It's a series that started in May 2013 on the Djibouti Jones blog written by Rachel Pieh Jones. She has a call for submissions too. Ruth van Reken starts the series. Ruth’s and Rachel's desire, for this series, is “the normalizing of experiences and then the empowering of TCKs and ATCKs to live life to the fullest potential.” There are many good posts there already and every week new posts are being posted, so it's worth checking her website. This week there was a great post called A Whole New Self by Dr. Susannah-Joy Schuilenberg who is is a Canadian behavioural health psychologist. She has experience working with adult third culture kids (ATCKs). She gives 8 tips how to maximize the upside and minimize the downside of the TCK experience. In the comments you can find sound advice on how to find a therapist if you need one.
2. There is a new article on DenizenMag Making the Most of Your TCK Experience When Applying for a Job. As the author says: Cross-cultural and multilingual communication skills are assets in the workplace. This is so true!
3. If you need a good laugh it's time to check 31 Signs You're a Third Culture Kid.
4. What's it like when someone who has always lived in one spot falls in love with a third culture kid? This is a guest post written by James R. Mitchner's girl friend on his TCK Life blog.
5. Here's a link to a post on Irina's blog. She interviewed me on: why I started my DrieCulturen blog. How I find things to write about? What my future plans are etc. You will learn more about me than that I have shared here. Irina is from the Ukraine, she now lives in Denmark. At 19 years of age she worked in Belgium. She is not a TCK but  after she returned to the Ukraine after one year it was very difficult, she had changed a lot and she felt that her life wouldn't be the same, with some friends unfortunately she didn't have common interests anymore, but she found new ones. Actually, no matter where she is she always finds good friends, she tries to be open to people. She has just started her blog.

By DrieCulturen seen at a local hotel in Holland

If you dicovered any interesting new links on third culture kids please share them here. 

Related Posts:

• Adult third culture kids an under-tapped source of high quality expats?
• A Third Culture Kid Poem: Who Am I? by Marina Sofia
• Military Brats
• Interview with Apple Gidley   

Time to look back and to look ahead here at DrieCulturen

"Like flying blogging is an adventure" photo by DrieCulturen

Two years ago I started my blog. Now it's time to look back and share some of the progress I have made. It has been an exciting adventure writing this blog. I've written nearly 200 posts, received many comments thanks to you, my readers. I have received personal emails and I've been on the national radio in the Netherlands speaking about my youth abroad and explaining what third culture kids are.

So what do people read here?

My 5 Best Read Posts:

1. Top countries for raising kids abroad in 2012 Read more than 2000 times
2. Top countries for raising kids abroad in 2011
3. Cultural Identity Confusion and Third Culture Kids
4. Interview with Graphic Design Student Jessica on Third Culture Kid Book Project
5. My 10 Disadvantages of growing up abroad

Most of my pageviews come from:

1. The USA more than 19 thousand pageviews
2. The Netherlands more than 15 thousand pageviews
3. Russia
4. United Kingdom
5. Germany

I would like to know which post you most enjoyed? Which was most informative or do you still remember? Is there a topic you want to hear more of? Please let me know by leaving a comment. By the way I have a surprise coming up, I hope to have a giveaway on the blog some time soon, I hope this week. So do come back and check the blog again.

I enjoyed writing the post "I'm from....and you?".On my first blog anniversary I interviewed Heidi Sand-Hart author of the book "Home Keeps Moving". I love interviewing authors because it inspires me, remember I have this dream to write a book one day! I wrote about my dream in the post Breaking the Silence. A recent post with quite a few comments was my post on is there a difference between adults and kids living abroad?
So what comes next? The interesting thing about blogging is that I often do not know what the next post will be about. I hope future posts will be informative, useful and inspiring for you. I am adding some interesting links here for you. See you next time!

Related Posts:
I won the Versatile Blogger Award 
Blogging: What's the Point? (JoParfitt.com)
How to make your blogging dreams come true (Problogger)
23 Questions for Prospective Bloggers (Problogger) 

Is There a Difference Between Adults and Kids Living Abroad?

Someone wrote to me this week that there is no difference between adults and children living abroad in different cultures. I am sorry but I cannot agree with this statement because it just is not true. There are many things that are the same:

1. Both adults and children can experience a culture shock on transitioning to a new country.
2. Both can struggle to learn the new language. Usually the kids win this one!
3. Both need to discover what the rules and customs are in a country. The kids usually adapt quicker than the adults.

Madurodam, in the Netherlands

The difference is that the adults have formed their identity before moving to the new country. The child is still is still in the process of forming his or her identity. So the key word here is: identity. In my latest post I wrote about identity. Culture is linked to identity. Once you do know how a culture works it gives us a sense of belonging, identity and confidence. The problem with third culture kids is that they might think they know the culture and then suddenly they move to a new country and the culture is different. Our family, our community and the place we live in serve as mirrors to us. A child forms their own identity by using these mirrors. When the mirrors change the identity formation is much more of a challenge. This is the crucial difference between adults and children living and moving abroad.

I believe there are things that parents can do to help kids form their identity and to help third culture kids feel less of a victim of their circumstances. In the end no one grows up in perfect conditions. Maybe I will write about this in the future.

10 Things parents can do to help their children form their identity and thrive while growing up abroad:

1. Regularly return to the passport country, for me that was the Netherlands.
2. If possible return to the same place for a period of time in the passport country. We usually spent part of our leave on the family farm in Friesland, in the north of the Netherlands. It helps kids bond with that place. Julia Munroe Martin writes about where she spent her summer vacations. "I had no place to call home. The closest I ever felt to home was with my grandmother at her house in Poland, Ohio, on the banks of Yellow Creek."
3. Tell stories about your heritage. Tell stories about the grandparents. Research shows that children who know more about their family background are more resilient. Here's an article about it in the New York Times.
4. Teach children their mother tongue. Speak it to them and encourage them to speak it. There is an interesting link between language and identity!
5. Help the children to be in contact with their family abroad. Here are some great suggestions by Libby Stephens on grandparenting over the seas.
6. Have your own family traditions. Develop your own way of celebrating birthdays or special days. While I grew up in Africa we celebrated Sinterklaas every year.
7. Encourage children to have a treasure box, with special small items from the countries they have lived in.
8. Help children say goodbye well when they leave a country, so that they can start anew in a healthy way.
9. Help children when they transition back to their passport country. If possible let them have their own debriefing*. The transition back is very challenging.
10. If children are transitioning back for college or university you can consider getting a mentor to mentor them during the transition period. There is a new mentoring program for expat teens done by Sea Change Mentoring.

Do you have any suggestions how we can help our kids? Do you agree that there is a difference between adults and children living and moving abroad?

* Debriefing is telling our story, complete with experiences and feelings, from our point of view. It is a verbal processing of past events. Debriefing includes both facts and emotional responses, and invites feedback.

Related posts:
Third culture kids self-identity books
Sharing our Roots Interview (on Life with a Double Buggy)
Learning to Grieve well (on Communicating across Boundaries)
The discomfort of re-entry back home (on Sara Taber's blog)

Easter twitter update all about kids growing up in other cultures

My last twitter update was in March 2012 so it's time to keep you posted with some nice new links. I always hope that you find new interesting information here on this blog and that it motivates you to return again some time soon. If you follow me on twitter @DrieCulturen you will get the news faster of course. By the way it's colder here in the Netherlands than it was at Christmas last year. There was snow at Easter, so now I am dreaming of the warm sun in Indonesia.

Sharing 10 great links with you:

1. 10 Things Expats Raising Children in England should know by Bonnie Rose, who is an expat living in England, she grew up a third culture kid living on military bases.
2. New: third culture kids Linda and Cassandra tell about what it's like to grow up in Jakarta, Indonesia

   

   Dreaming of Indonesia and the warm sun

   “Lucky!”... http://bit.ly/XR1Tf7 "It is difficult being a third culture kid but we would not trade the life we have lived, as it is unique." 
3. 15 Things I want to tell my Third Culture Kids by Rachel Pieh Jones. A post written by an expat mum raising her kids abroad. This post has been shared many times on twitter since it was posted. It's worth reading.
4. Insightful article in the Copenhagen Post today about "Growing up half-Danish: A tale of Two Cultures" http://bit.ly/XmNETz 
5. Gr8 challenge by @expatyouth for expat kids betw13-18 yrs Make a video: How you will make a better world... http://t.co/ZHE2bhDHmv
6. Inspiring! Write your way to a happier & healthier you by @RawiaLiverpool http://t.co/JHQPXArX0Y Good idea for expats and TCKs
7. So true "when ripe you can smell it from a distance....guavas!" http://t.co/MM5i7bhBU9 Brings back memories of growing up in Africa
8. Where are you from? Third Culture Kids delve into complex answers at Clark University conference.. http://tinyurl.com/c3sboxp 
9. Knowing yr family narrative shown to be gr8 predictor of resilience. Super advice 4 our expat kids! http://tinyurl.com/d2jrqd3
10. Linda @in_expatland Attended Families in Global Transition conference & came away INSPIRED http://wp.me/p1iIk2-n3  Top 10 Reasons Why FIGT Rocked

Do you have any interesting links to share? Please add them. Just in case you did not read the guest blog by Casey then you should just read "An Ode to the Third Culture Kids". 

Photo by Janneke @DrieCulturen

Guestblog "An Ode to the Third Culture Kids" by Casey

Recently I discovered a very interesting blog called True Colours. It's a lovely blog written by Casey. She loves traveling and has beautiful photos on her blog, you should have a look. I just fell in love with her Ode to Third Culture Kids. I am so glad Casey agreed to let me share it with you here. It's over to Casey.

An Ode to the Third Culture Kids

If this title confuses you, just bear with me and I'll provide a background on what I'm talking about.  But to start, one of the things I hope to accomplish on this blog is to promote understanding & to negate ignorances.  I think in order to do that, we need to start with my backstory to understand where we're going with this today.

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia.  

My home for all of my childhood, it was truly all I knew.  

It was home. 

So when it was time to leave, I left as a pre-teen child knowing that the goodbyes I was saying to my friends, my childhood home, the country I knew and loved, 

I knew I'd probably never see any of them again.

That day we left Saudi was heartbreaking, not just for me but for my parents too.  

I'll never forget the feeling that crept up on me that day, it truly changed my life.

From then on, the first couple years back in the States I had a really hard time. Not necessarily adjusting to life here or meeting new friends, but in the fact that I felt like a whole part of me was suddenly missing. Something I couldn't really explain to people that didn't understand.

For years, I HATED the question "where are you from?"  

I couldn't answer it without going into the whole story because I wasn't really "from" Saudi, 

but it had been my birthplace, my home.

And I wasn't "from" the States either, somehow that seemed far more foreign to me than saying I was from Saudi.  

And hence came many many years of not really feeling at home anywhere, never truly feeling like I was "home" in the States, nor that it was truly what defined my citizenship.

I had no one except my parents that understood this, though they also were in a different boat than me.  Their time in Saudi had been in adulthood, with many years in the States before that and so while they tried as hard as they could, it wasn't a feeling they could totally understand either.

Through my high school years the connection to my Saudi childhood friends over the internet helped tremendously.  At times when I'd really miss it, I'd talk to them.  I'd look at their photos of our old home and reminisce with them about when we were kids.  

Many of them I still am in contact with today.  

I apologize that this post is so winded, but here in lies the rub, this is the story of my life and it is winded.

I can't just say "I'm from Oregon" and be done with it.

Or "I'm American" and be done with it... because even though now both of those hold true,

they don't paint the whole picture, just a tiny part of it.

So anyways, in college I came across the term "3rd culture kid."

And it seriously changed my life.  This term describes kids like me, born and raised in a foreign country but a citizen of another and somewhere in between both of those, lies a 3rd culture we've sort of created for ourselves, a mixture of the 2 that we "belong" to.

To finally be able to see my situation written in a word, to finally be able to express what I had been feeling all those years in a way someone else might be able to understand. 

It was a huge revelation.

And then just the other day I came across this article talking about the exact same thing but relaying a single world for the feelings I've had for years.  "Saudade," a Portuguese word without an equivalent in English means "a longing, a melancholy, a desire for what was and something that really won't ever be again."

That word stopped me in my tracks the other day as I read the article (forwarded to me by a friend from Saudi).  That one word is one that I hold with me everyday in my heart and I've been holding it for a very long time now without even knowing the word that described it.

To really imagine the feeling, imagine the place you grew up, your house, your home, your friends, your family, your hobbies, your reality, gone in 1 day, knowing you'd never see it again. 

I guess my point in all this is that sometimes, as 3rd culture kids, no one understands why we feel this way.  People always tell me, "well you're American though, so I don't get it."

And I wish it were that simple but it is far from that.

While my passport has always been American, in large letters in the place of birth category is written

prominently "Saudi Arabia" and there is the story of my life.

Caught between 2 cultures that have never been truly mine, either one of them.

So now years down the road, I look back and can understand a little better what I went through and what I felt is felt by 3rd culture kids all around the world.  

And so here is my ode to the 3rd culture kids around the globe, may we find peace in who we are, where we come from and how the world has shaped us.  

And may others try to understand that it isn't so black and white for us, 

that sometimes cultures blur, boundaries are undefined.  

I think as a world we need to understand this more and as more and more lines do blur,

we must know that our hearts can hold pieces of our "homes," even if that home can't be 

drawn on a map.

I'll always be a little "Arab" and I'm so thankful for that because it's a huge part of who I am

and I hope it always will be.

Now when someone asks me where I'm from, I smile and respond

"I grew up in Saudi Arabia."

And then I wait for the questions that always seem to follow...

  Photo copyright Nick Nieto

Casey on twitter @cmart1015
Bloglovin' True Colours
Casey wrote another post recently: A Little bit of Background