What do you say to your Third Culture Kids?

A while ago I read a piece written by Rachel Pieh Jones and I just knew that I wanted to share it with you. Rachel lives in Djibouti and has raised her children there. I really like the very honest article she wrote: 15 things I want to tell my third culture kids. At the time her children were about to leave to boarding school, they have now left to university.

The quotes that struck me were "I cry for the choices we've made. And then I defend them with passion". 

The other quote that impressed me was: "I am sorry for the things life has taken from you. The names of all the friends you have said good-bye to are branded in my mind". 

Rachel realizes that she knows what it is like to parent TCKs but she has no idea what it is like to grow up abroad. As you probably know, I grew up abroad and I love the way Rachel tries to understand what it is like for her children and for other kids. A few years ago she hosted a whole guest post series on her blog on third culture kids. She has now made a compilation of these essays, updated the information, added interviews and practical tips and has made it into an ebook.Finding Home. I was privileged to contribute to the series too. I wrote on transitioning globally to university. Many different authors contributed to the ebook: Ruth van Reken, Marilyn Gardner, Mary Bassey, Ma Donna Maurer, Clara Wiggins and Ute Limacher just to name a few.

One of the 5 star reviews said:
"This collection of essays was both relatable and eye opening. As a third culture kid, there was a lot for me to learn and think about after reading each essay. Highly recommended if you want to better understand people who don’t belong in one culture, or if you don’t!"

I would really like to hear what you could say to your third culture kids. One of the things my parents said was that we should dare to be different. Well growing up in Africa I was different, with my blue eyes and blond hair. I actually found it difficult when I was the same as all the other children. I was twelve years old and as a family we spent a couple of months in The Netherlands. I went to form one, but it was a shock to discover that there were three other girls in my class with the same name as I have. I was used to "Janneke" being a really special name, often people had difficulty pronouncing my name. But in the Netherlands "Janneke" is a very common name, especially at that time. There is even a book named Jip and Janneke, Two Kids From Holland. So at the time I had to adjust to the fact that my name was not special at all and even though I looked like the other Dutch girls I was actually different due to growing up in Africa.

What do you say to your third culture kids? 

Related posts:

• My 10 Tips to Prepare your child for an International Move
• 5 Things you Need to Know When Moving Kids Abroad by Lois Bushing
• Grandparenting over the Seas by Libby Stephens

PS. Have you heard that the next Families in Global Transition Conference in 2019 will take place in Thailand? From April 26 - 28.

Potato wisdom for raising kids abroad

It's good to start at something with some kind of idea what the end result will be. You should have a picture in mind. A vision. A dream. When I planted potatoes in our garden in the Netherlands I hoped the result would be that we would eat home grown potatoes. Just the idea of it filled me with pride. I could see our family around our table eating something I had produced. Then again it was the first time I was planting potatoes so I just never quite know whether it would be successful. I went to a garden centre to buy the potatoes. Luckily they did have several brands to choose from. There was my first challenge: which brand should I pick? Let me be wise and ask for help. The shop assistant politely let me know that he had no knowledge of potatoes and potato brands. That in itself is not a great problem had he been able to refer me to someone who could have given me advice. There I was all alone with my unanswered question. I checked the internet on my cell phone hoping to find the answer, it took lots of time and in the end I still didn't know what to do. So I took a lucky guess and choose one of the brands.

My potato plants copyright DrieCulturen

It's a little like raising kids abroad. Most of us do it for the first time in our lives. We have a picture of the end result. We want to raise strong, independent, healthy, multicultural, mature adults. The only thing is you are never quite sure what the end result will be like. Will we be successful?

What could we do to help ourselves when preparing to raise kids abroad?

1. Ask a professional and hope they know about third culture kids and can give good advice or that they can refer you to someone who can help you.
2. Check the internet on information about third culture kids and about moving internationally with kids. There's a recent article in the Telegraph by Helen Maffini: Top tips for emigrating with children. Another helpful article is Top 10 ways to cope with any transition by Julia Simens. Libby Stephens has a list of third culture kid resources that are worth checking. Here's my list of websites and blogs that are worth having a look st.
3. Read some good books on the topic.
4. Keep the image of your end result in mind. Don't let go of that dream.

Here's my harvest. Just to let you know: we did eat potatoes and it felt so good! I want to cherish moments like this. It makes life exciting. It was worth starting on this new adventure. Do you have advice for parents preparing to raise kids abroad?

Related posts:

• Third culture kids where are your roots? It's about a potato Ochoa searching for his roots.
• Meet Sammy the snail, a third culture kid
• Language links for parents raising multilingual children