Are you raising messed up kids?

The internet and twitter are very useful tools for finding new information. Today I was searching the web and I arrived on a blog written by a third culture kid. The words I read stayed with me all day and I just have to share them with you. I have written about my 10 disadvantages of growing up abroad and I have written a blog on the downside of growing up abroad as a third culture kid.  You know it's true, children are flexible and they can easily adapt to transitions but there is a cost we pay. Please parents do think ahead and consider what effect multiple moves will have on kids. Here are the words I read:

"Dear everyone who has kids: If you want to mess up their heads and damn them to loneliness, raise them in a place radically foreign from what you know and love.  It works every time.

Growing up, I was the poster child for third culture kids.  I didn't fit in anywhere.  Even when I was well liked, I didn't really fit in anywhere."

There are real challenges for third culture kids, children growing up in multiple countries, continents, and communities. There is an "identity issue". Where do I belong? Where's home? Who am I? Where do I fit in? I have written about cultural identity confusion and third culture kids before. When I was growing up in Africa I cannot really remember having any real identity issues. During primary school I attended an International school so there were kids from many different nationalities. We were all different, there was no problem there. The community was constantly changing. We were saying "hello" and "goodbye" regularly. It was a way of life. To me it was a normal way of life. During secondary school in Zimbabwe I remember being called "the foreigner", but even that I could accept.

The identity issue became a real issue when I went to university in the Netherlands (my passport country).  My whole life I had said that I was Dutch. I spoke Dutch, I had a Dutch passport, nearly all my family lived in the Netherlands and yet suddenly I did not feel Dutch. I discovered that there were many things about normal Dutch life that I did not know. It is so hard to explain, it is not only about knowing things but also about feeling different.

Through twitter I came across a blog post written by Julia Munroe Martin. She was a third culture kid (TCK). She grew up in France, Belize, Kenya and Uganda. She writes about "always feeling and being different in every culture, never fitting in anywhere..."

Related posts:

• Third culture kids: learning to be themselves
• Third culture kids learning their mother tongue
• Global Nomads on the move: part 2
• How do transitions effect children?

Image thanks to Jusben Morguefile

Book review of the new book "Expat Teens Talk"

The book Expat Teens Talk has just been published and it is written by Lisa Pittman, a practicing psychologist and Diana Smit an educational therapist. It is forwarded by Ruth van Reken, co-author of the famous book "Third Culture kids, Growing up Among Worlds".

The power of the book is that it gives expat teens a voice.

"Being an expat teen is bittersweet; You're exposed to so many amazing people and places, but there are very few others who really understand what you have experienced".

"Moving around the world helps me to appreciate all the different cultures of the people I meet". 

"I find it difficult to constantly say goodbye"

The book is written for the teens, their parents and for professionals (teachers, therapists, doctors) too. As far as I know there is no book like this one available on this topic. The teenage years are considered to be the most challenging time in one's life and if during this time international moves are made it can be a confusing and difficult time. If the teenagers struggle it usually affects the whole family.

In the first part of the book there is advice from peers, parents and professionals on each subject. At the end of each chapter there is the possibility to write down personal reflections. The youngsters that give advice have been there and they know what other teenagers who move internationally go through. Being an expat teen you can often feel "the odd one out" (I know all about it), you think you're the only one not knowing how to behave (sticking out like a sore thumb), how to dress for a certain occasion or how to act. The great thing about this new book is that expat teens discover that they are not the only ones going through these transitions. They are not the only ones experiencing all these confusing emotions. That "aha" moment can help heal the pain of the teen's heart.

These subjects are tackled: the challenges of moving, sex, drugs and alcohol, stress and worry about school grades, and what happens after expat teen life. This is a down to earth, practical book. The authors have chosen to use the word "expat teens" but these teenagers can also be called third culture kids. I would have liked to see more internet links in the book. I think our expat teens are on the internet a great deal of the time and it would have added value to this book if there would have been more suggestions on where to find information on the internet. I wish this book had existed when I made my transitions during by teenage years.

If you are interested in reading more, you can read an interview with the authors of the book "Expat Teens Talk".
Find "Expat Teens Talk" on twitter @Expatteenstalk
Expat Teens Talk blog
Are you a teen and do you want to talk about your expat experience? You can fill a questionnaire in here. Number of pages: 183 pages
Published by Summertime Publishing

Related posts:

It can be lonely

• Teenagers the sky is the limit
• New book: Emotional Resilience and the expat child
• Top 10 countries for raising children abroad
• Third culture kids going to university 
• Cultural identity confusion and third culture kids

Image by Gladtobeout Morgue file