tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post4310708356149705276..comments2024-01-18T19:08:49.830+01:00Comments on DrieCulturen: The Downside of Growing up Overseas as a Third Culture KidDrieCulturenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02967917534503254138noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-59534457087936043402014-11-30T20:07:18.545+01:002014-11-30T20:07:18.545+01:00Wow, so we have the same passport country! Sorry t...Wow, so we have the same passport country! Sorry to hear that you experienced feeling out of place and feeling lonely. I had the same and the worst thing is I thought there was something wrong with me....until I found out that it is pasrt of being a TCK, being a "hidden immigrant" etc, but it can be reallt tough. Sorry to hear that it was no better in the UK. Hope you have found a place you can call "home", or at least for some time! Thanks for the courage to share your story. I am interested in hearing more, you can email me if you want to share more.DrieCulturenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02967917534503254138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-33390646245672411562014-11-04T16:18:55.146+01:002014-11-04T16:18:55.146+01:00" I was not prepared for the culture shock I ..." I was not prepared for the culture shock I had when I left Africa to study in my passport country: the Netherlands. I was not prepared for the identity confusion, the loneliness, feeling so out of place and being the hidden immigrant..."<br />I had exactly the same problem when I moved to the UK to go to Uni, and as a result I left the country on my last day of my masters degree & have never lived there again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-25273105342435314202012-04-01T11:41:08.479+02:002012-04-01T11:41:08.479+02:00Hello Jonathan, wow your list of the downside is l...Hello Jonathan, wow your list of the downside is long! That must have been a real challenge. Thanks for the tip of your book. Sounds really interesting. I'm really glad that there are an increasing number of TCKs writing about their experiences.<br />Have you read Ruth van Reken her memoir called "Letters Never Sent"? It's her own story of her life: from hurt to healing and she talks about her time in boarding school too.DrieCulturenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02967917534503254138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-47506496474423486742012-03-30T19:02:33.243+02:002012-03-30T19:02:33.243+02:00Hi folks,
TCK/MK here from Thailand/Malaysia. Gre...Hi folks,<br /><br />TCK/MK here from Thailand/Malaysia. Great discussion. The downside was huge for me in terms of all the moving and adjustment issues and sense of homelessness, loneliness, lostness, confusion. Plus my brothers and I were sent to a boarding school from 5-12 years old in another country so we didn't have parents. That's a serious downside with lots of adult effects and sometimes abuse in terms of punishment (or worse). Here's something else to check out. A novel about those effects (written as a TCK thriller actually) called Nobody's Children: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/139789. <br /><br />Enjoying all the posts!<br /><br />Jonathan (from TCKid.com)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17285587142469248821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-23701547885834576012012-03-28T21:39:55.360+02:002012-03-28T21:39:55.360+02:00I'm so glad you enjoy my blog, that makes my d...I'm so glad you enjoy my blog, that makes my day!<br />It is true that growing up as a TCK is a mixture of positives and negatives. I also hope that with all the information on the web, in books etc children and parents will be more prepared for the possible challenges (potholes). I was not prepared for the culture shock I had when I left Africa to study in my passport country: the Netherlands. I was not prepared for the identity confusion, the loneliness, feeling so out of place and being the hidden immigrant...DrieCulturenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02967917534503254138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-63434645084576991402012-03-28T17:01:31.496+02:002012-03-28T17:01:31.496+02:00My experiences have been a mixture of both positiv...My experiences have been a mixture of both positive and negative and it's crucial to be aware and prepared for both! The more awarness we can raise, hopefully the more likely it will be that others won't have to go through AS hard of transtions as some of us (including myself) have gone through. My blog is mostly about the negative because I'm still working through what happened to me and working through all the emotions that are attached. A lot of my peers didn't want to hear the negativity all the time, and I truly don't blame them, but we can't turn a blind eye to the facts. This is real and what some people experience is real. Thanks for all your awesome work on your blog. I really enjoy it!!Megzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02181019447551310025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-44594284399752105132012-03-28T02:25:54.521+02:002012-03-28T02:25:54.521+02:00I agree — people don't want to hear the negati...I agree — people don't want to hear the negative stuff. It's too bad, because knowledge is power when it comes to important things like our children. I run into the same problem when I talk about repatriation: nobody wants to have that conversation, because nobody wants to think about the end of their expat life. When I combine the two topics and start talking about repatriating TCKs, I can clear a room in 5 seconds flat. :)<br /><br />Oh, and thanks for the plug!Mariahttp://iwasanexpatwife.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-11375581787152387542012-03-27T17:45:52.769+02:002012-03-27T17:45:52.769+02:00Thanks Maria for adding your information. I had re...Thanks Maria for adding your information. I had read your blog (and commented) on "Repatriating TCKs: It's not all sunshine and lollipops". By the way anyone interested in reading more on this topic do hop over to Maria her blog and read the posts. There´s good additional information.<br />It´s just that I sometimes sense that expat parents don´t want to hear the negatives maybe it´s too confronting?DrieCulturenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02967917534503254138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-29097097127284986552012-03-27T17:34:02.108+02:002012-03-27T17:34:02.108+02:00Hello Claire, raising kids can be overwhelming and...Hello Claire, raising kids can be overwhelming and raising them in another culture can increase the challenges. Sometimes it is good to seek the advice from a professional. It's true that kids can miss the family contact but there can be other adults who can play an important role in their lives. In Africa we had an elderly Scottish couple who were our substitute grandparents. <br />The book you refer to is "Third culture kids, growing up Among Worlds" by D.Pollock and R.van Reken. It was the first book I read on the topic and it "opened my eyes" and helped me understand myself. I hope you find the information you are looking for.DrieCulturenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02967917534503254138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-35170114803695486412012-03-27T17:04:27.985+02:002012-03-27T17:04:27.985+02:00I don't believe in giving sugar-coated views o...I don't believe in giving sugar-coated views of anything, especially something as important as the TCK experience. The companion piece I wrote to the "positives" post is called "The Negative Side of Growing Up Abroad as a Third Culture Kid," and you can find it here: http://mariafoley.suite101.com/the-negative-side-of-growing-up-abroad-as-a-third-culture-kid-a254395. I also wrote about the difficulties of TCK repatriation on my blog: http://iwasanexpatwife.com/2012/02/06/repatriated-tcks-not-all-sunshine-and-lollipops/ So many positives, so many negatives -- most days, they seem to balance out nicely. But other days....Mariahttp://iwasanexpatwife.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-58489802733951929562012-03-26T21:34:38.569+02:002012-03-26T21:34:38.569+02:00I agree, I worry more about the downside than exto...I agree, I worry more about the downside than extolling the positive aspects and I'm an optimist. I feel guilty that they don't have family contact and support, that they feel different at school, that even as an expat, we are not part of any majority nationality group and our children don't attend an international school or any of the other things that often balance out the experience, there are so many pros and cons, its all a bit overwhelming. My daughter suffers from selective mutism, and this I know has come about because of this family/social isolation, culture shock and bilinguism. I'm reading this book, because I need to hear more about the positive aspects, I feel almost as if there are more negatives, even though I do my best to try and create a balance. But at least there is stability, we haven't moved for 6 years and don't intend to move, so they have a connection of sorts. Such an interesting topic, thank you for leading me here.Claire 'Word by Word'http://clairemca.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-85187039472449783562012-03-26T18:35:09.564+02:002012-03-26T18:35:09.564+02:00Thanks for your comment. I am so glad that there a...Thanks for your comment. I am so glad that there are parents like you that consider the downside too. Thinking about it, reading about it and talking about the negatives even helps the kids. You know the great thing about children is that they are very adaptable, it's really amazing that they can quickly adapt to a new environment but it says nothing about the future and about the restlessness they might end up with due to the constant moves.DrieCulturenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02967917534503254138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2083060414078872115.post-40520431329704217722012-03-26T02:29:30.477+02:002012-03-26T02:29:30.477+02:00I actually think more of the down side than the ad...I actually think more of the down side than the advantages for my kids. They'll never get "grow up" with anyone. They'll never form the bonds that I did with kids since kindergarten and up until we graduated high school. Those bonds is what makes us gravitate towards each other now on social media. I don't know, I know that having them live this lifestyle is a good thing. I also know that growing up in one place can be nice, too.Balanced Melting Pothttp://www.balancedmeltingpot.comnoreply@blogger.com